Fug the Cover: Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Okay. First of all, if you haven’t seen (500) Days of Summer, you really should consider rectifying that. It is honest and delightful and that is rare. And Joseph Gordon-Levitt here is great it in. And he’s REALLY CUTE. Like, seriously-consider-having-his-babies cute. So I sort of wish Nylon Guys (I don’t know how to punctuate that. Nylon Guys seems as though it is about men made of nylon. Nylon: Guys is probably the most accurate, but I think I prefer Nylon: Guys! because it seems kickier)…what the hell as I talking about? Oh right: I wish Nylon: Guys! had asked him about (500) Days of Summer rather than G.I Joe, but (a) maybe they did and just decided Joe would be a more alluring draw on the cover for male readers, and (b) perhaps no one truly anticipated that G.I Joe would be as wretched as it allegedly is. But you know what I really wish? That they hadn’t taken someone so adorable and groomed him like someone who hasn’t taken a shower in six weeks and just really wants to talk to you about all his awesome tin cans and how aluminum foil will probably block the government’s mind control rays but only if it’s Reynold’s Wrap. You know what else I wish? I misread that headline on the bottom right as, “David Lynch and Nick Cannon on a yacht with pirates!” and I truly long for that to be made real. Bring me THAT in your next issue, Nylon: Guys!