Fugabel Lucas

Jul 17, 2009 By Heather AT 1:45 pm

So, I guess Isabel Lucas is in Transformers 2, and was the passenger in Shia LaBeouf’s infamous car accident in which he broke his hand. Apparently, she was uninjured; now, though, I’m a trifle concerned that she did, in fact, sustain a very mild head injury that went unnoticed.

Is it possible to become selectively blind after a fender-bender? Or to lose one’s perspective when it comes to, say, measurements or lengths? Or the amount of time it takes to do something? Specifically, is it conceivable that she bruised the part of her brain that says, “Hey, it’s taking ten minutes to zip up these shorts — maybe that means these shorts are heinously stupid”? You know it’s bad from the waist down when I don’t even CARE about her hat. I haven’t seen pants that awkward since I volunteered at a nursing home in Grade 11. Or the last college football game I attended, at which most of the rich old donors wore these exact shorts with spirit t-shirts tucked really tightly into them, as they sat in front of their RVs and ate bratwursts. But a zipper as long as a 20-ounce bottle of Diet Coke seems a TAD unnecessary on a girl who’s only 24, not to mention it’s giving her a whisper of polterwang. And there is nothing good about that, aside from what a great book/band/album title A Whisper of Polterwang might be. Note to self…
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