Fugbrey F’Fug

Seriously, is Aubrey O’Day bored? I thought she was taking a break from Danity Kane to do Hairspray. Are you telling me she has no time to work with the band that made her famous while she’s on Broadway, but she DOES have time to hang out at TRL and chit-chat all the time wearing dresses with built-in capes?

Maybe not the best use of her time. I’m just saying.

This is, however, better than any of the t-shirts, headbands, and briefs Aubrey is selling (because these days pretty much any person with a Mystic Tan account also has a clothing line). We should all say a quick prayer of thanks that Aubrey has decided not to run around town hawking her own wares. But the tragedy of it is that ANTM winners Jaslene and Caridee were dragged into the fracas. It’s like Aubrey’s only editorial directive was that all the girls should hang open their mouths in a semi-drugged stupor:

[Photos: HeartOnMySleeveShop.com]

What the hell? It’s all very well and good for Aubrey to model her own wares as if she’s trying to sex her way into your peyote party. But Miss Tyra taught her winners better than this. Jaslene’s eyes are beseeching us, “Please, somebody, write to my agent. Tell Tyra. HELP ME,” while Caridee simply wants to know if she can gnaw the flesh off your leg.

These are beyond hideous. If you gave Pat Field a hallucinogenic drug and one of those tissue-paper flowers from the ’80s, you’d get an entire line of wrapping paper and gift accessories that looks exactly like this. And you haven’t even seen the t-shirts, or the classy underwear (warning: side-boob ahoy). If this is Aubrey wearing her heart on her sleeve, I’d LOVE to see what deep thoughts another organ might have inspired. Like maybe her spleen.