Fuggaback Girl

I know that whatever a woman wears to take her kids on a hike is her own private business, generally speaking. But… you guys, I just had to make sure I am not hallucinating these pants.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

You’re seeing tie-dyed harem leggings too, right? Are those even actually TECHNICALLY harem pants? What is the term for pants that are tight on the legs but have enough room in the crotch to hide Gwen’s other child? Why do we live in a world where such a noun is necessary? Crotch-slings? Knee bags? Pantaballoons?

Also: Whenever I see anyone in pantaballoons like these, I wonder how they do not drive themselves insane wearing them. They’re built to replicate the feeling of having your pants fall off as you’re walking. Incidentally, I saw that happen to a guy on Ventura Blvd. He was strolling along with low-rider pants, and with each step they sank lower and lower until they finally fell off his ass and started flopping toward his knees, exposing his boxers. He kept right on going as if nothing had happened. Maybe HE’S the guy who pioneered pantaballoons.