Fugger Again

Kelly, we hated the bodysuit tops and the unflattering pants when you wore them while promoting your last two albums. Why must we go through it again?

We love you, but from what we hear, your third album needs a little more help than the others did; wearing a terribly ill-fitting shirt and painting a bird on the crotch of your even MORE terribly ill-fitting pants isn’t the best way to convince me to buy it. For one thing, we here at GFY HQ aren’t terribly enamored of birds, unless they are parrots sitting on the shoulders of remarkably hot, surprisingly well-showered pirates — and the parrots are wearing socks. For another, it’s making me wonder if those pants are chafing you somewhere you don’t want to be chafed. And finally, the shirt looks like it has a tongue that is lapping out over your zipper, which might scare The Children.

However, I’m glad you went back to being a brunette and grew your hair long, because it completely works. I know that complimenting you here might seem incongruous, but consider it a measure of how much I care. Also, I want to flatter you into never wearing those pants again. I hope it succeeds.