Fuggie Antoinette

“Father, father! Fraulein Maria’s come back from the Abbey!”

Kiki may be wondering what, exactly, she has to do to get in our fashion good books. And to that I say: The skirt of the gown isn’t bad, but the top — particularly those sleeves — looks poorly sewn and restrictive, and I’m a little concerned that she might not have seized this prime opportunity to wear a good bra (but, I can’t tell for sure, so maybe that’s a step forward in itself).

Still, with the reported fervor with which it’s rumored she’s approached her Cannes appearances — desperate to make a splash and look as flawless as possible at every one of them — I expected something less frumpy and staid. And, Kiki, why truss up your noggin with a red dye job and extensions just to pile it into a phenomenally unflattering Swiss Miss updo on your big night? Let the mane flow like you did at the photo call. This is no time to squander a striking, standout change and turn yourself into a governess.