Fuggny Gastineau

[Photo: Splash News]

KIM KARDASHIAN: Whee! Look at me!

BRITTNY GASTINEAU: Ha ha. Yes, look at you. It’s always YOU. How ADORABLE.

KIM: Sporting games are so fun!

BRITTNY: Like, seriously, you couldn’t let me have the spotlight? YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ATHLETE ALREADY. Why do you think I’m here leaning over in a low-cut tank top and showing off my lace-covered knees? For my health? Because I LIKE basketball? NO.

KIM: I eat things like cotton candy!

BRITTNY: And what do you think these stupid shoes are? I mean, they don’t even seem to have a heel! They look like I’ve got hooves. Why would I wear these if not to get some hot jock to stare at me?

KIM: I love hats and stuff!

BRITTNY: Yeah, well, I hope the dude sitting behind you, who now can’t see from his insanely expensive seats, decides to punch you in the neck. YES, I SAID IT.