Fuggy Smart

Wild horses couldn’t keep Amy Smart away from this party.

I’m serious. Even the cold, hard, irreversible reality of being seen in public wearing a beige silk blouse adorned with galloping stallions somehow did not deter Amy Smart from leaving the house.

Hell, throw in the pants — droopy at the waist, yet simultaneously managing to give her a nice package for Christmas, if you get my drift — and the fact that she still hasn’t figured out how to make up her face, and Amy really ought to spend the entire WEEK at home eating popcorn and watching She’s The Man on DVD. There’s nothing like a little inspirational teen comedy to clear the mind. I mean, if Amanda Bynes can overcome gender discrimination — not to mention strapping down her breasts and wearing a hideous brown wig in order to pose as her brother, evading her brother’s persistent and somewhat needy psychotic girlfriend, convincing her classmates she’s a total ladykilling dude despite the fact that she looks like she’s two years away from puberty, falling in love with her male roommate who thinks she is bepenised, trying to get on the men’s soccer team to play against her old school and specifically her jerkwad ex and BEAT ALL OF THEIR SORRY ASSES, and (spoiler!) getting exposed on the soccer field — and STILL get the guy, well, surely Amy Smart can come to terms with a concept as basic and unchallenging as The Goodwill Pile.