Fuglee Simpson

I actually think that poor little Assica Simpson — who, by the way, really does seems to have been gently, professionally anorexified so that when an America that’s sick of her philandering sister decides to hug Assica to its collective cushy bosom, we can’t secretly giggle about having pinched an inch in the process — looks very nice with her new nose. I didn’t mind her face before, and don’t think she needed the rhinoplasty, but she seems happy, so apparently, kiddies, it is true that money will buy you such things. Hooray! Take a mallet to your piggy banks! (Or, a nose, if you want to force that issue instead of politely asking your parents if they have a few thousand dollars in small change.)

However, I’m not sure why Assica is hiding her light under the symbolic bushel of that hat. She’s arduously sculpted herself into Jessica’s equal — some might say, as I do, that she out-cutes the depressed and depressing Mrs. Lachey — and now she’s shoving it all under a ridiculous Robin Hood Goes To The Office piece of headgear. There are better ways to kick off summer, Assica. Sigh.