Fuglize Theron

It’s getting a little tiresome to see the otherwise lovely Charlize Theron constantly looking so pinched and borderline duck-billed. It’s not a problem she has all the time; just a good percentage of it, so I don’t think DNA is the issue. Hard to say what the true culprit is, though: I don’t know if it’s a trick of makeup, or if she needs a better red-carpet coach to remind her that she can smile a little and still look sleek, or if she is just plagued by chronic canker sores burning their ulcerous ways through her gums. Whatever the problem, I hope she fixes it, because she’s too pretty to keep running around looking perma-puckered.