Fugly Duke

“Yo yo yo! J. Simp in the hizzzzy.

That’s RIGHT, beeyotchs! I am working this skirt! Yeah, it’s falling off my ass [ask me about my Bikini Body, on the cover of this week's US Weekly]!  Yeah, it’s totally too big for me! Yeah! It’s totally like those skirts in that hella wicked Old Navy commerical, YEAH YEAH.

Listen, y’all, I am working it with these street braids and this wicked fresh Army shirt, because I love America, YO. I love it.  But you all gots to understand that I am not that stupid virgin girl who married a boy bander just to get laid any more, NO I AM NOT. This is the NEW JESSICA. Because I am NOT wearing whatever my Dad tells me to, at all, y’all. Have you seen Ashlee lately? She’s the one with the blonde bob and the nose job — I mean, the fake tan — I mean…I mean, just look at her. She’s the one under the thumb of our Svengali-esque parental figure. NOT ME. Because I am STRAIGHT UP FRESH [but still patriotic] NOW.  Knoxville told me to roll over and do it street style and I am DOING IT.  He said it would help my career.

Also, if I wear this skirt, I don’t have to shave my legs.

Word. “