Fugly Port

[Photos: Splash News]

I know what you’re wondering, looking at this. You’re thinking, “I wonder who’s texting her.” Well, thanks to the miracle of modern technology, I can tell you. The computer wizards here at GFY HQ intercepted a series of texts between Whitney and her mother, which I exclusively present to you here:

MAMA PORT: Whitney. Go home and put on some pants. My god.

WHITNEY: What R U talking about? I’m WEARING pants.

MAMA PORT: Those aren’t pants. So ashamed right now.

WHITNEY: I bought them @ Bergdorfs. Says “TAP PANTS” right on the box.

MAMA PORT: TAP PANTS ARE UNDERGARMENTS.

WHITNEY: ????

MAMA PORT: YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR THEM OUTSIDE.

WHITNEY: How can U even C me?

MAMA PORT: Please use complete words when you text me.

WHITNEY: Fine. How can YOU even SEE me?

MAMA PORT: It’s called THE INTERNET. Have you SEEN your rear view?

WHITNEY: I don’t have eyes in the back of my head, Mom.

MAMA PORT: Find a mirror. I’ll wait.