Fugployee of the Month

Oompa-loompa doompety-doo
I’ve got another fugging for you.
Oompa-loompa-dumbety-dee
Tanorexic fame-whores are frightening to me.

What do you do when your affairs are a mess,
And the press has been siding with your cuckolded ex?
Spray yourself gold and fluff up your cleav,
‘Cause that’s all the tricks you’ve got up your sleeve.

But hair and skin should never maaaaaaatch….

Oompa-loompa talentless hack
Before you buy those orphans, at least dye yourself back.
But even Foreign Baby Love can’t redeem you —
Sorry, but that’s what overpublicized marriage, a horrible show, calculated stupidity, genuine stupidity, a horrible movie performance, a year of fake public appearances before a bitter divorce rife with rumors of your infidelities, a brilliant PR campaign by your husband, that hideous “Angels” cover, and having no friends in the world besides your hairdresser (although, look at yourself — is he REALLY your friend?) because even your father is more interested in Ashlee now will DOOMPETY-DO.