Fugton Kutcher

Demi Moore mostly hid from sight the whole time, but at the Super Bowl on Sunday, Ashton Kutcher watched pretty intently from his luxury box and caused rather a stir. Not for his mere presence, but because… well, the girl in my group who saw him first grabbed my arm and said, “You HAVE TO SEE what he’s wearing. TAKE A PICTURE FOR YOUR SITE. YOU NEED TO. NOW.”  So I did:

Now, to be fair, Arizona Cardinals owner Bill Bidwill is well known for wearing bow ties, and some fans came to the game sporting them as a tribute to him. So, since Ashton was rooting for the Cardinals (when the Cardinals got a go-ahead touchdown late in the game, he whipped out a Kurt Warner jersey and dangled it over the edge, good-naturedly taunting the masses of Steelers fans sitting below — we hope he enjoyed that tiny moment while it lasted), it’s entirely possible he too is engaging in a Bidwell homage.

But the problem for Ashton is, NONE of us down there jumped to that conclusion. Well, none of us down there who care about such things, which might just have been my group and the German tourists behind us. We all assumed it was something he did of his own accord — that he’d woken up and, for no reason, donned a hat and a bow tie and a vest with his sportcoat, so that he looked less like a hot young actor than a dotty old businessman who says things like “sodey-pop” and owns a successful franchise of old-school ice-cream parlors that have player pianos in the corner.

My point being: Even if it WAS a costume bow tie, it doesn’t really matter, because we were all so READY to believe that his hat and vest and neckwear were all worn with complete sincerity. How did Ashton Kutcher get to THAT place in his life, anyway? Does Promises have a fashion rehab wing?