Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd

Nov 18, 2009 By Heather AT 11:10 am
ASHLEY: So… you stole my coat.

MARY-KATE: What of it? We’re twins. For all we know, you stole my FACE.

ASHLEY: I just… it looked more like a coat on me. And less like I was wearing rug from The Sims 3′s line of bachelor-pad furnishings.

MARY-KATE: Okay, crabby.

ASHLEY: And did you recently work at an ice-cream parlor in a funeral home? Because if not, what is the deal with that hat?

MARY-KATE: Oh, whatever, you should just be glad it looks like I washed my face.

ASHLEY: I know, that IS a nice change. In fact, I… wait. Oh my God. She’s HERE.

MARY-KATE: Who? Who’s here?

ASHLEY: Your soulmate. Crap.

MARY-KATE: SHARON STONE IS HERE?

ASHLEY: Dude, in what universe is Sharon Stone your soulmate?

MARY-KATE: I’m wearing a giant coat and a WTF hat with dramatic lipstick. These are SUCH Sharon moves.

ASHLEY: Well, no. I’m not talking about Sharon Stone. THINK, Mary-Kate. Who is basically the grown-up version of you? Hot mess, all knots and tangles? Seems vaguely deranged?

MARY-KATE: Oh my GOD. You mean…

ASHLEY: YES.

MARY-KATE: HOLY HOBO JUICE, it’s HELENA BONHAM CARTER.

ASHLEY: See? I knew you’d be happy.

MARY-KATE: She’s a disheveled GODDESS. Just look! It’s like a taffeta window treatment someone threw in a Dumpster!

ASHLEY: Yep.

MARY-KATE: And her hair! I think a stray cat braided it! Oh, man, I can’t BELIEVE I used a brush on mine today. What was I thinking?

ASHLEY: I know, right? The ONE day of the year…

MARY-KATE: I will never forgive myself for this. Wait, hang on, Ashley, YOUR hair looks a total mess. Maybe YOU can pretend to be ME!

ASHLEY: Oh, please, honey. I’d borrow from your collection of torn-up stockings before I wore that hat, and everyone knows it.

MARY-KATE: You’re right. Shoot. I’ll have to introduce myself some other time. You can bet this is the last time I clean up before a party! Man, what a downer.

ASHLEY: My thoughts exactly.

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