Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Patricia Arquette and Thomas Jane

PATRICIA ARQUETTE: Why do we even come to these things?

THOMAS JANE: Well, I’m NOMINATED, Patty. God. Don’t you EVER listen to me? But I hear you: We do always look so miserable.

PATRICIA: And you’re wearing brown shoes with a black suit. A terrible black suit. With a black bow tie. And a black shirt. Ridiculous.

THOMAS: Me? ME ridiculous? Have you SEEN YOU, Patricia? Have you? HAVE YOU LOOKED IN A MIRROR?

PATRICIA: God. Enough histrionics. I think wearing something that artfully conceals rain, thanks to its hacky Chico’s-Kind-of-Day pattern, last seen on a smart little coat modeled by Michael Phelps’s mother, is kind of brilliant, ACTUALLY.

THOMAS: That Phelps reference is like two years too old.

PATRICIA: Shut up. I’m having a relapse of Olympic fever, brought on by standing out in the rain. Rain that is apparently so MAGICAL that it requires YOU to wear your SUNGLASSES.

THOMAS: Yeah, well, your make-up appears to have washed off.

PATRICIA: You…shoot. I’m out of insults. I blew my wad by enumerating all the flaws with your outfit in one fell swoop.

THOMAS: Rookie mistake, kid.

PATRICIA: Let’s go find the bar.