We’ve raged against the Regina Boot, and we’re generally opposed to the reckless deployment of Ugg Boots; now, thanks to a generous and brave reader, Go Fug Yourself is pleased to share with you a boot horror that might have been, but mercifully never came to pass.
We present to you the Teva-Ugg hybrid:
Because we so desperately needed an athletic sandal for winter, this person mixed the clunky, chock-full-o-fur style you’ve come to revile in the Ugg boot, coupled with the rubbery sole and ugly foot straps from the world’s most overrated outdoorsy shoe. [The entire concept of the "athletic sandal" is something we here at Go Fug Yourself find awesomely fugly, but that's a fug for a different day.]
We can imagine the designer sitting back with a satisfied sigh, wiping a way a tear of pride as he/she cooed, “Finally, my Ugg boots can go camping.” Yes, finally, furry boots are sporty! Finally, Paris Hilton can go canoeing without sacrificing her sense of style! Finally, Cameron Diaz can head to the beach for some surfing and feel justified doing it in winter footwear! And if a Teva miniskirt would hurry up hit the market, then finally we could all hike in star style!
Evidently a few prototypes were released into the wild, but the boot was never mass-produced or officially sold. And I think we’re all alternately grateful and crushed that the Teva-Ugg — Tugg? Uggva? — will never know the clammy foot-sweat of a morning-after Lohan. Grateful because there are enough fugly winter boots proliferating in warm climes, and crushed because, well, guessing which starlet would be the first to buy four pairs in custom colors — or, better, to sponsor a custom-designed version for sale on eBay to benefit Project Foot Odor or something — would have been a hell of a betting pool.
Comments (47):
OK,
I have a question. Not that I’m not all for a pretty pair of shoes, in fact I love them, but I have noticed a theme.
On all of the make-over shows the first thing everybody gets rid of in a girl’s wardrobe is the comfortable, I actually see the light of day in the winter, shoes. What gives? While I admit they are not as cute as a pair of heels, I, for one, don’t want to slide on my ass from here to China because I don’t have on weather appropriate shoes.
What’s a girl to do?
Oh my God, that’s the worst pairing since the words “New” and “Coke.” Look, they even had to make the photos dark to avoid blinding us all.
It’s hard to be witty when one is quaking in the horror of what might have been.
I haven’t stopped laughing since I saw those.
I am mortified.
((faints))
Hey Chris, try asking Manolo: http://manoloshoes.blogspot.com/
Lucky for me, I live in the south, where cute footwear is an option all year round.
I like to think they would be called Tevuggs. But that’s just me.
How about calling them Te-fuggs?
I think they should be called “I give even skinny girls keg legs” but wait, that’s what I call Ugg boots already, hmmmm.
Seriously, can anyone explain to me the current trend in fashion that seems dedicated to making the foot/calf area look as undesireable as possible? I mean, no one’s hot enough to pull off the cankles look, I don’t care what your girlfriends tell you.
Wow. That’s just all sorts of wrong.
I own Tevas. I bought them for trekking around in monsoon weather. But I haven’t worn them since.
that is so craptastic
I just threw up in my mouth.
What is the point of the sandal straps across the foot? Like your feet could come out of those monstrosities. Rubber soles, I get. But rubber soles + fleece-lined boots = Sorels already.
Tell me these aren’t real! Tell me these are some sort of Photoshop trick!
And to Chris: In Colorado, some of us wear our winter boots outside, but then bring our pretty shoes to be worn inside. If “What Not to Wear” wants to hunt me down for wearing my Sorels in the snow, then so be it.
Why isn’t Jessica posting much anymore?
Holy hell; I think I just vomited a little in my mouth.
I get it.
It’s kinda like someone had the misfortune of breaking both feet…at the same time…and they don’t want to fall down…so they require excellent traction…as not to fall and finish breaking their leg bones…which would be really unfortunate….but they’re also a tad bit cold…possibly hindering the whole recuperative process…hence…those montrosities.
Maybe.
At least, I think so.
Growing up in Australia, the unfortunate birthpace of the fugly ugg, they were always the symbol of white trailor trash. I’m not sure how they became a fashion statement in the transition from Down Under to here in the US. Tragic.
I would like to design a bumpersticker much like the “Start Seeing Motorcycles” one: “Stop Seeing Uggs.” The worst thing about these is that anybody (everybody) thinks Uggs make them a fashionista. They can be wearing the most average outfit, but throw on these “funky” kicks and voila! they’re original (except for the million others). Also, my mom wore them in the early eighties to keep her feet warm. Not to be fashionable- to keep her feet warm.
Don’t worry, Jess fans. There’s no mystery to why I’ve posted more than she has lately. Sometimes we’re both free to post, sometimes only one of us is. But she posted just last Friday and will do it again when she can. That’s the hazard of having a day job.
Who would be bored enough to create those? What kind of drug/alcohol was consumed beforehand? Those are just so shocking because it could come true. Which is the most terrifying thing of all.
Yet another reason why that film class documentary I have to get started on in about a week should feature me making ghastly faces at those adorned in Uggs of all types. It’s too bad these didn’t actually make it to production, I could have used some filler.
By the by, any chance of getting one of the Fug Girls for an interview? Only you two can describe this mess without reaching for a nearby trash can. I just don’t think vomit is something my audience would like to see.
Growing up in Australia – I must agree with Nicole – the Ugg when worn outside of the house is the ultimate in trailer or “bogan” trash fashion. It is hysterical that they are regarded with any degree of fashion credibility. They are usually accompanied by a pair of tracky pants, flannel shirt, mullet and a packet of Winfield Blue cigarettes generally seen outside your local Centrelink (dole office). However, in a city such as Melbourne where central heating is not common – a pair of Uggs in the middle of winter when accompanied by flannel jammies, a face pack, a DVD and a tub of Haagen Daz are quite sublime. However – they are a guilty pleasure to be had behind closed doors NEVER to be worn outdoors – unless quickly going to check the mail. To add ugly sandal straps is quite something else. I can’t wait to some tragic celeb wearing them!
Uh, the Uggs. At first, I found them sorta cute on Kate Hudson with her skinny legs and shortie short cut offs. However, now that they’ve been cheapened and made for the masses, Yikes! Every celeb under the sun has been spotted schleping out for coffee in their PJ’s with these boots. The translation has been made that the majority of un-attractive America can pull off the same look. If I see one more fat assed women in sweats and these boots, I’m gonna go postal.
~Mira
Blecccchhh! *shudder*
my friend told me about this monstrosity in the car earlier and i could not deal then. and when i got home and checked the fug blog, they were fuglier than i had imagined. i thought normal uggs were terribly wretched, i guess i now know that it could have been much, much worse.
i confess to owning a pair of uggs, i’ve had them for six years. they’re great for shovelling the driveway… those foam soles stick to ice pretty well. but i can get away with this because the snow here is deep enough nobody sees below the knee while you’re shovelling, and you can sneak back to kick them off in the garage afterwards.
i don’t get the strap idea. bondage uggs?
Tevas are notorious for magnifying foot odor. Those things must STANK!
If your stomach can stand the sight of more Fugly Footwear, please go to http://www.wireimage.com and look for the WireImage Feature: Boots Over Pants…a gallery of 243…yes, 243…images…Who the hell thought THIS would be a good idea. It probably would be best not to eat anything a few hours prior to looking at these photos.
ok, i must admit, i own a pair of uggs. Pink Uggs.
They’re extremely comfortable and warm in winter and they look cute tucked into my jeans. but yeah, the above fug is atrocious.
Personally I think the High heeled boots that are made to look like converse sneakers are WAY worse
I promise, the Teva-Uggs were not Photoshopped. I personally wore them in those pictures, and they were most terrifyingly, horribly real. There’s no danger of them ever being produced however, though there was a couple of years ago. Actually, they’re quite comfortable – if you can be comfortable while being conscious of having just made the fashion statement of a hippie-ish, backpacking Yeti.
I cannot believe we had not seen this sooner. It is the genius evolution of the ugg/mukluk trend. It is so horrifying I CANNOT WAIT to see legions of schmucks wearing them!! Yay!
The thing that has me falling off my chair is the daintily pointed toe in the first photo. “Dance, ballerina, dance!”
The only way I would ever wear these is if they made a whole snowsuit out of the contraption, and I could strap myself in and go make mad snow angels in the back yard. And then burn the whole thing in the fireplace.
Man, those ARE fugly. Sure glad I opted for the Napoleon Dynamite specials (in white) instead of those!
Those of you who don’t already know, Ugg and another painfully annoying trend have combined to become…the UGG PONCHO.
http://www.tee-zone.com/uggclpo.html
yeah, uhm, okay. Form over function, right? No. We should never dash aside function for the sake of aesthetics. Except in special cases, and UGGS are the most special of cases. The case being, of course, that they never should have been made in the first place.
WORD OF ADVICE, GIRLS:
If it says “UGGS,” remember it’s a mocking term made by intelligent, logical people who know it to really mean “BUTT SODDING ugLY.” Why would you want to put something ass-looking on your feet?
Secondly, if you elect to wear them, please keep in mind that you will be scorned by an intellectual more sensible than you who didn’t buy the shoes.
Thirdly, they belong in Autumnal weather. This means, when it’s cold. Not with some surf crashing on the beach and sand beneath your feet in 80F sunlight–and most definitely NOT worn with knee highs and a micro mini skirt that flaunts your barely-there thong string (also a fashion faux pas) when you bend over. It is a COLD WEATHER SHOE. Keep it UNDER your jeans as you do with MOST boots, and out of my range of vision.
Fourthly, I don’t care what colour you get, it’s still a damn ugly shoe that no guy I know appreciates on a woman. So what the heck? If it’s comfort you’re looking for, can’t you please find something much more pleasing to the eye?
you’ll make your man happy. trust me. I don’t know of any guy that says a pair of Uggs on a girl and immediately goes, “nice shoes, wanna fug?” Right.
Signing on to mount a defense of Uggs and Tevas, although not a combination of the two. I dearly loved my Uggs when I lived in the Pacific Northwest. They were soft on the inside, rugged on the outside, and just ugly enough to fit in with my hippie/nature girl style. High-fashion? Definitely not. Practical for cold damp weather? Absolutely. Now on to point 2: the idea of athletic sandals is mostly for water sports. I wear Tevas (or a cheap imitation thereof) when I’m kayaking and know I have to do some light portages. They provide a firm footing when I’m navigating down the bank. Granted, they do jack shit for protecting my feet from insects and poisonious plants, but I take my chances.
Are you sure those aren’t the feet of the Simba costume at Disneyland?
Just sick and wrong!!!
OMG, BirkenUggs.
Do they have men versions of these things? They can market them to the college guy who wears Birkenstocks all year round.
In fact, those are male sized boots. They fit my size 9.5′s quite nicely, thank you very much. I am the proud owner of the pictured monstrosities, although I’ve never actually worn them. I picked them up out of the rejects bin at the company which distributes both Teva and Uggs here in the US when I was at their offices.
However, I’m now thinking that perhaps they could fetch a pretty penny at Ebay if the folks at this site were to just continue with the hype. I’m sure we could eventually convince the hollywood set that these boots are, in fact, the height of fashionable footwear.
They are kind of precious to me, but I’d consider letting them go for, say, the price of a new mac mini or so.
I do know of at least one other pair, and I have distributed a few others to strangers over the years, so they aren’t quite one-of-a-kind boots, but they are awfully close.
actually it’s not that crazy for cameron diaz to go surfin in uggs since that’s where uggs originated from- surfers tryin to keep their feet warm. curse’em
When Ugg boots hit PayLess, it was like when I learned the Macarena. The trend is done. It’s so done in fact that I bought Ugg-ish boots for my 2 year old daughter at Old Navy for $4.49 on clearance. She loves them. If 2 year olds love them, they’re done.
I was browsing through the archives for this month when I came upon the images of these boots. Although apparently not widely distributed, my ex-girlfriend was one of the fortunate few that managed to get a pair. She didn’t wear them often, but the few times she did when I was around, she got laughed at by strangers passing by on the street. She got mad at me once because I asked her what the straps were for.
it’s an eskimo mated with a cow mated with an old 80′s little girl dress shoe mated with mandels.
Um, I actually like them? Um does anyone know where I can buy them?