I took one look at Eva in this dress and sighed, “Oh, look, it’s The Widow Longoria.”
Fine, a very buxom widow, but this whole thing just seemed so, “I am in mourning. YOU KNOW WHY. ME. ME!” Which I guess I should be okay with, seeing as how I have not walked a mile in her shoes, and thus don’t know what it feels like when your NBA player husband maybe cheats on you with your maybe-friend and then the papers find out about it. I’m sure it sucks. But this also would not be inappropriate at a funeral on a nighttime soap, where the corpse in question belongs to a very rich old man, and the widow in question is his young vixen of a wife who stands to inherit all his money, and who hates all his children — and who was recently seen wandering around town carrying How To Poison Your Rich Old Coot Of A Husband, except that he was killed by a gunshot and so everyone is scandalized. And she sits down at his funeral and lets one perfect tear fall down her cheek, and then announces she’s marrying the pool boy and that they’re all going to be very happy once she kicks the kids out of the house and cuts off their cash flow. So, you know, The Widow Longoria is clearly the hero of the piece.
Not the hero: Her makeup artist.
Are you chin and your lips SUPPOSED to be the same color? The answer is yes, if you are a consumptive, and NO if you are The Widow Longoria, star of Excuse Me While I Roll Around In Your Father’s Cash Pile While Consigning You To The Poor House.
I also kind of don’t like how pointy this dress makes her boobs look, but at least the dress has an interesting back with which to tempt us:
So, I can’t tell, in the end, how I feel: whether I don’t like this dress that much, I find it to be a hilarious statement of some ilk, or it’s actually slowly winning me over because the back is attractive and I really want to see that soap opera. It needs a better name, though. Like… I don’t know. Let’s just go with Smut House and be done with it.
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Comments (55):
I love this dress from the waist up (not including bow.) I love the neckline and sleeve and cutout. But the skirt is boring and too much fabric. I’d love to see this with a less dramatic skirt and in a more vibrant color.
I really loved this — it was easily one of my favorite dresses of the night. Yeah, it’s not a color, but it’s beautiful and she looks amazing in it.
In that second picture, her facial expression is like, “Maybe I DID poison that old coot. Maybe I don’t plan to stop there. DONT TEMPT ME.”
Oh, and the dress is fab.
I dunno. It’s a nice dress but, another mermaid dress on Eva L? Boring and predictably, played, Eva. Wake me when she wears a princess silhouette or empire waist. Zzzzzzzzzz
Eva-Lo looks like her body’s been temporarily possessed by the Lady Beckham. The concealer lipstick, the ‘elfin’ bob, the bosom glowing out of her hourglass frock like a boob sunrise, the slightly too-shiny face… it’s all very V-Beck, last year. Maybe Posh is using her friends as fashion avatars while she’s doing her traditional pregnancy purdah?
I believe that’s the MERRY Widow Longoria – which totally works in the soap opera context. I didn’t like this dress either, but yours is the first shot I have seen of the back – and that does improve it greatly in my book.
I would like this so much better if she mixed it up. Haven’t we seen this dress (in essence) on her a bajillion times before? Or does it just feel that way?
LOVE! IT! I mean just look at all those curves and she’s having fun with that pose (though I agree about the colorless lips!).
Have to disagree with your take on the message of the dress.
Just because it’s black does not mean mourning. I mean, look at that figure. It’s more like, “look at what that fool lost out on, because he was horny and sent text messages to a teammates wife — who’s sorry now Tony Parker?!”
I could not be more over the nude lip. SERIOUSLY. [applies lip gloss]
but the dress was fab – black, yes, but very dramatic from all angles.
Am I the only one who thinks the dress makes her look kind hunchbacked? At least in the first photo she looks very hunched-over…
Besides that the one thing I keep thinking about when seeing the photo is the witch Ursula from Disney’s The Little Mermaid.
Yipe, it looks like she’s going to burst a seam in the hips. Not flattering! And the bodice just doesn’t fit.
I love the idea of the widow wearing this to that particular funeral, though I would have liked Eva better if she’d worn something fabulous (and not in mourning) and FUN to show everyone what an awesome catch she is and how her ex being an ass won’t keep her down. As it is, the self-indulgence is so OTT it burns.
Hannah and Jennie-Suz, I had the exact same reaction. I feel like she wears this dress to everything. It’s pretty enough but so, so boring.
On the other hand, maybe it’s strategic. Look how crazy everyone went when Angelina finally wore a color! Didn’t matter that the shapeless thing hung on her skeletal frame awkwardly or that I’m nearly positive I saw Bea Arthur wear something just like it on The Golden Girls.
Maybe Eva is getting ready to surprise us. (Please, Eva.)
I’m so on board with the Disney reference. Had the dress been anything but black I probably wouldn’t think ‘giant black octopus’ but as it is and it IS black I can’t get that mental picture out of my head.
Her curves look great, but they need more than a millimeter of breathing room – she needs to go up a size!
1) That soap opera sounds awesome and I would totally watch it…or at least DVR it and catch up on a lazy Saturday morning while wearing my pajamas with a full face on
2) Would that dress be better if it was on someone six inches taller? On TV it seemed to emphasize her shortness.
How does this woman keep getting invited to these things? That is the real question. Also, when you shill for a lipstick company, you may want to wear one. In public. Just sayin’.
I like the dress, but the bottom really REALLY reminds me of the dresses Morticia Addams wears, you know, super tight on top and then flared out at the bottom to look like octopus arms…Eva should have edited the bottom a bit and changed the color to, oh I dont know, an actual color. Deep purple? Blue?
I love the color black, to the point where I had to force color into my wardrobe due to friend’s comments (which, now I thank them b/c I have embraced the fun of color) – so I really like this dress. I love the way it hugs her curves and I really like the matte-ness of the material and the fall of the skirt around her.
I’m also so happy it’s not a damn pastel – she ALWAYS wears pastels paired with gross J.Lo pastel make-up. It’s always frosty looking and not quite the right shade. It’s like their stylists don’t often know what to do with their medium skin tones. It’s not that difficult!!! (coming from my own experience – a medium skin toned latina)
I look at this dress and all I see and hear in my head is Gomez grabbing Morticia’s hand and saying, “Carida!” before delivering kisses up her arm. Addams Family Widow Longoria.
I like the blue and silver dress in the background, kind of funky.
Also Eva is stunning, we can all agree there and I love the dress up until the smoosh that is the fishtail.
She needs to go up a size. And not be so desperate-for-attention with the cleavage.
I always feel she looks like one of those very convincing lady-men…not sure if it’s the make-up or the jaw line, it’s something…bleurghhhhh
Re: @Henriette “Besides that the one thing I keep thinking about when seeing the photo is the witch Ursula from Disney’s The Little Mermaid.”
Oh my! That’s what’s been bothering me the whole time. That’s the true sign this whole mermaid skirt trend that’s been going around for years is overdue for a long break.
Someone please get the memo to Ms. Longoria here that NOT ALL DRESSES NEED FISH TAIL HEMS.
Thank you.
I actually – aside from the boring color (or non-color) – love this dress. It fits her perfectly, she has a TO DIE FOR body, and it is tasteful.
I don’t know the color I would actually like it in, but I know that I DON’T like it in black.
Her hair is the best 60′s throwback to a beehive that I’ve ever seen. I like her makeup, too. But the bodice is rather squashy, and the hips are waaaaay to snug. The overstyled mermaid fishtail is not a winner, and smacks totally of Morticia Addams. But I heard she tripped- twice- getting into position, so I’m glad she’s a normal human being.
i know most of these dresses are loaners and some of these girls aren’t model size BUT they look ridiculous in dresses that were designed for women much taller. Look at most of the photos from the red carpet and all the huge puddles of fabrics at their feet… like little girls playing dress up in their mother’s closet.
Ronnie honey, the dresses are supposed to pool at the feet. You do know that most of these starlets go through numerous fittings to get it to look that way. Personally, I this dress the best. It was simple and grand at the same time and I certainly wouldn’t mind having it in my closet.
This year did seem like The Year of the Misplaced Dart. Lots of pointy boobs, or worse yet; just one pointy boob a la Nicole Kidman.
That makeup is classic Posh Spice; she never wears lip color, and I think Ms. Eva hangs around her quite a bit. I think this makeup theory came out of that “How Not To Look Old” book, which advised lip gloss only or something in a very pale shade of pink, because dark lip color makes you look, well, old. Eva doesn’t suffer from that problem; one, she’s not old, and two, she’s got a beautiful skin tone that can handle a pop of color, so she really needed it.
This would be a great dress if it had a straight skirt (knee or calf length). I’d totally wear that dress to dinner or to cocktail parties. As a very formal red carpet look with a big skirt I am not feeling it.
The mermaid skirt is a little much, but overall, I like the dress. Yeah, it is Basic Black, but I’m okay with that. The only times I don’t like black are when EVERYBODY suddenly decides to wear it to the same event, or when one person wears it to every event they go to (Angie, most of the time). She needs more vibrant makeup, though…that’s my best guess as to the cause of the funereality of the whole thing.
I dont see anything immensely wrong with it, even though black is a little boring … but wouldnt it be so hot if the dress ended as a pencil skirt? maybe it wouldnt be fancy enough if it did that … but id still like it better and statement shoes might elevate it enough
boringboringboringboring. She wears the exact same makeup look all the time, the nude lips and smoky eye thing. Boring! And I swear I’ve seen her in this dress or other dresses that look exactly like it waaaaaaaaay too many times.
Yes, Longoria does look rather “House of Bernarda Alba” here, doesn’t she? I mean, in a skintight contradictorily-sexy sort of way. I could easily see her trying to repress the sexuality of imaginary daughters, all while screaming “LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME, YOU FOOLS.”
oh sorry fugnation, but i LOVED this. i thought she looked amazingly vintage classic and i thought from first look what a FOOL her ex must feel about now because this is a decided BITCH–BabeInTotalControlofHerself–look. she looks incredible, and statuesque, which is really quite a feat when you are four foot nothin’.
I’d really like this dress on someone else. EL ALWAYS wears these mermaid style gowns and I, for one, am sick of seeing them on her.
Maybe if she went up a 1/2 size?
The dress is typical EL; she doesn’t go outside the box too often. But the makeup is horrendous. So tired of the nude lip look.
Love the bodice, but I do sort of wish it wasn’t black. Even charcoal gray would have looked beautiful on her olive skin and dark features. And…. If only the skirt were sheath style to the floor — she’d look taller, slimmer and classier. Trains and puddles of fabric drive me UP THE FUGGING WALL.
I swear I’m the only one who thought the entire top looked too small. Her boobs are being mushed and every time I look at her shoulders all I can think is “fat guy in a little coat”. I’m not saying she’s fat (good grief, she doesn’t have an extra ounce of pudge on her!) what I am saying is that her shoulders look too wide for the top of the dress. I felt like she was always pulling her shoulders in so she didn’t rip the dress apart by pushing her shoulders back.
Maybe it’s my funeral, because she bores me to death.
I thought she looked pretty…much much better than the usual spangles which I normally hate. Too bad that her looking pretty in black has to be equated to her broken marriage.
She needs to be a good six inches taller to pull this off.
I’m going to go out on a limb and agree that yes, I thought she’s “grieving” and thus wearing black but I will jump off that limb and say that I think this is the best I have seen her. I don’t even mind the nude makeup. You know she’s beautiful and yet the black is striking and sophisticated, not blah and not ruffled beyond belief like some other dresses she has worn. I also wanted to believe that although this is a fishtail, her usual cut of choice, it is more languid and sweeping, don’t you think?
I liked this on her. Sure, it’s a bit Merry Widow, but for someone so short, she’s pulling it off.
And she was just a presenter, not a nominee. Her job was to look pretty. She achieved that nicely.
I think her makeup looks totes fine! Yeah, there’s a lot of it, but hey – if I had to go to a snazzy awards show, I think I’d tell my MUA to pile it on. My only complaint is that the lashes are a little “bits and pieces”. They look slightly wonky to me. But the lips I like (concealer lips make me think of trashy gothic novels printed in the 60′s, and her dress supports that I think). So, on the whole, I say Work It, Eva!
She is too short for this dress. Her neck is too short for this neckline. This dress is too tight and too dated and too boring.
Her hair is nice, though.
I can not deal with the lips. When I first saw her, I thought she looked like she forgot to put on her lipstick.
Yes, I get what she was trying to do but she needs to go back and look at Sophia Loren and Ursula Andress back in the day. That was The Look. This is NOT it.
LOVE the dress, it’s my 2nd favorite of the night!
Unfugged:
Pink lips
Higher neckline
Less fabric on the bottom half of the dress
charcoal/heather grey instead of smoky black
The back is amazeballs….but the front and the make up are classic longoria! boron!! BUT i just figured out why she dresses like this! “nightime soap” soap!! she got her start on “young and the restless” so natch some of the wardrobe habits stuck….finally an EXPLANATION!
At least we know she’s fulfilled her annual commitment to L’oreal Elnette. Or was that Penelope Cruz? I get confused. One of them swishes their hair for L’oreal and the other makes theirs turgid.
Man I would have loved to just put a big dirty foot print on that train……..
Ugly makeup, funky ugly dress. I don’t know why Eva Longwhoria keeps showing up dressed in anything? Given her attention whoring, I would have thought she would have shown up in something slinky, something see-through, or just plain naked. I would love to cut that dress off of her to reveal her slutty body to the world. She really needs to consider an alternate career in porn, given how bad an actress she is and how much she likes attention. Those male pornstars would give her plenty of attention, and so would most of the Internet.