Good Will Fugging

Matt: Hahahahahahah! I’m sorry. I was just thinking about our now wildly divergent careers. Let’s see — I was in The Talented Mr. Ripley. You were in Armageddon. I was in Ocean’s Eleven you were in … excuse me, I’m sorry, if I don’t get a drink of water I’m going to choke, I’m laughing too hard. You were in… I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Hang on. I’m fine. Just got the giggles. You were in Pearl Harbor. Hee. Heh. Ahem. This summer, I have The Bourne Supremacy coming out. You’ve got…well…I guess you’re good at poker? I mean, by most accounts, you’re sort of funny and self-deprecating and I know you’re not totally stupid, but have you looked in the mirror lately, old friend? Remember when people used to argue over which one of us was cuter? Heh. Hee. Hahahahahahaha. No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You’ve been through some rough times lately and… oh, hell. HahahahHAHAHAHAH!

Ben: Yeah, keep laughing, pretty boy. One day, you’ll hook up with some batshit crazy marriage-obsessed succubus who will destroy your will to live and it will take all the internal fortitude you can muster to escape her grasping clutches, and we’ll see how you look after it’s over. I’m lucky I only look bloated and hairy and miserable — she threatened to have me killed. I could be dead now. Isn’t fugly better than dead? Isn’t it, Matt? ISN’T IT?

Matt: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!