Grammys Pre-Party Fug: Miley Cyrus

I have it on good authority that Miley Cyrus is quitting Hannah Montana to become Mother Goose’s chambermaid.

If she allows TV cameras to follow her new career, we can look forward to countless exciting, conflict-packed episodes, as the lazy Lady of the Manor tries to figure out what rhymes with “Foo Foo,” eats bonbons while penning soon-to-be-classic poems like “I Don’t Want To Go To Mexico,” and gleefully clapping as she pays a monkey $10 to make a weasel explode — all the while poor Miley is on her hands and knees picking up scraps of mulberry bush leaves, patching up Jack’s broken crown, and explaining to an uncommonly stupid spider that it’s just asking for trouble by climbing the spout AGAIN and AGAIN. An instant Disney classic!