His Fug Materials: The Golden Fugpass

You know, whether it’s fair or not, I feel like if Cate Blanchett wore this I’d be sitting here thinking, “Oh, that crazy Cate, always trying something endearingly wacky.” Maybe she’d even pull it off. But when fellow Aussie Nicole Kidman attempts things that are off-kilter, it just makes me tired.

It’s like, “Remember me? From that movie I did a long time ago that you liked? Well, this movie didn’t really work out, but hey, I’m still acting! Still here! My younger husband waxes his chest and I brush his hair! It’s what all the kids are doing! I’M HIP AND RELEVANT! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! ” Meanwhile we’re watching her airbrushed, still-Botoxed face stare smugly at all those sheer panels on the sternum, the thighs, and the ribcage, relieved that it is not the one dressed like an overly treated art-deco window in a Victorian funeral home. Although I’ll give her this: At least it’s distracting us from fixating on her bump. Or her allegedly missing Botox.