If I Were A Fug

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

“Maybe I’ll backcomb Solange’s hair and then dip it in glue. Oh, wait, but it might be so much more touching if I wrap all her feathered outfits around a cardboard cutout of her and then light it on fire. Tough call. All I know is, it will be so SATISFYING to get revenge on that little cow. I mean, stepping on my career is one thing, but stealing my clothes? Forcing me to wear one of her little… THINGS… that look like what Donna Martin would wear to a funeral? I DON’T THINK SO. I am BEYONCE f’ing KNOWLES, people. I do not wear hand-me-downs from my sister, or a geek-loving bottle-blonde who barely graduated because she can’t hold her champagne, or ANYONE ELSE. So all that’s making me happy is imagining Solange’s face when she realizes this this will be the last time she crosses me. Oh, yes, it’s going to be dreamy. Should I spike her bagel with full-fat cream cheese, or just taze her? Or…. ahhh, so many options…”