Inglourious Fugterds

May 21, 2009 By Jessica AT 9:29 am

Oh, Sharon Stone. You are always surprising me. For example, when I first saw you at Cannes, I made all kinds of assumptions:

Were you wearing a long gown with a slit on the side, like so many other women at Cannes this year? Are you yawning because your dress is really boring? Why is that photographer looking so perplexed?


.

OH. That’s why. Because her dress has a tail. Or maybe he’s just wondering what S Squared is doing to keep her body in such tremendous form — her mini-skirt may have an unsightly train, but her legs look GREAT. Or he’s racking his brain to figure out how he knows that hot guy who looks like he’s about to race onto the red carpet and tackle Sharon, saving her — and, somehow, the rest of us — from a bomb. (He’s the one helpfully circled in red.) Who IS that hot guy? How can I, too, manage to maintain hot legs well into my 70s? Are those Loubs? Does that skirt detach if Brad Pitt accidentally trods on it? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

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