I just heard a rumor that you finally broke up with that scrawy cracked-out ho and I just wanted to tell you that everything I told Matt Lauer about how my marriage is awesome and stuff is a total lie. Call me!
I made a picture of what it would be like if we got back together! Look:
Seriously, don’t we look happy together? It will totally be just like this, too!
So call me! Or you can email me! It’s the same email I always had. Or you can IM me if you want! IM is good! I’m still SweetCheetoKisses on AIM! Or just come by the house! Come by whenever you want! My mom will TOTALLY let you in.
Okay! I’m really excited! This is going to be great!
PS: Seriously, don’t we look happy together? I can’t wait!
PPS: Wear that hat!