Letter of Truth: Part OH NO

HEY Y’ALL! Whoops, I just wrote HEY YAKS. I’VE HAD A LOT OF COFFEE TODAY OKAY? BUT I KNOW Y’ALL AREN’T YAKS.

[Photos: Splash News]

Okay. So, I’ve got a LOT to do today — obviously, can’t you tell from my outfit that I am so super obviously OBVIOUSLY on my way to my combination boxing class/Al Bundy look-alike contest/soccer match?  GOAL, right? Right. Anyway, I just had to run into Starbucks SUPER SUPER SUPER fast for a double caramel frap-cap-whippacino and then I just wanted to pop my head in and remind y’all that when my extensions start looking like this, then SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL as they say and I could snap at any time and I might beat you with a parasol or a raincoat or any number of weather protectants and, listen, I think maybe y’all might have forgotten that I exist, because Lindsay Lohan and Taylor Momsen and Lady Gaga and BLAH BLAH BLAH they’re all so distracting and I get it, I get it, I’ve been hanging out with my agent boyfriend all under the radar and stuff and so that’s why you thought everything was under control, but! Do not forget me, America and other places! I am the original and the one and only and I COULD BLOW AT ANY MOMENT OKAY? ANY MOMENT. LOOK AT THESE SHORTS. I HAVE THE BATSHIT CRAZY IN ME AND IT CAN LAY DORMANT LIKE MONO AND THEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU ARE SAFE IT MIGHT JUST POP OUT AND THAT’S PROBABLY GOING TO HAPPEN BEFORE AUGUST.

Just thought you should know. HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

LOVE,

Britney.