Lindsay, Fully Fugged

Lindsay is sort of doing that thing to me that boys do, you know, when they want to break up with you but they don’t really want to have to actually break up with you, so they act all weird to sort of goad you into breaking up with THEM. Like, okay, first of all, she’s dating Brett Ratner? Linds. Honey. Look, I’m sure he’s sort of fun and amusing, but it just doesn’t look good for you to be dating him, can’t you see that? Why don’t you date someone more age appropriate? What about, like…say, Topher Grace? He’s a good actor, he’s handsome, he’s never photographed out and about all drunk and disorderly, he’s never slept with Paris Hilton — as far as we know — he seems to come from a very stable family, and I’m sure he can read.  Doesn’t that sound nice? Come on! Don’t you want to be in a stable relationship, where you’re not ENDLESSLY replaying your daddy issues? No? Okay, fine.

Then let’s talk about the outfits.

The thing about this outfit is that almost — I said almost — every individual piece of it is fine. Working from the bottom up:

1. the shoes? Sweet God, those are cute.
2. those cropped little jeans? Cute!
3. a white tee? Who can find fault with a white tee. Not me!
4. the vest…made of….ties? Well….maybe it’s an homage to Kelly Clarkson’s Skirt of Ties in From Justin to Kelly.  Comedy gold!
5. the bag? Terribly chic!
6. the hat….okay, the hat you stole from Fez. Don’t lie.
7. that f’ing pashmina with those IDIOTIC ARMWARMERS make me want to KILL SOMEONE, but at least they’re a pretty color, right? And, um, you’re kinda coordinated, right? So that’s good.

But together? All this together? It’s so Crazy Destitute Nutjob With Great Shoes.  THAT’S NOT A COMPLIMENT. Even the paparazzo behind you is all, “girl. PLEASE.”