My Big Fat Fug Wedding

So…this didn’t go that well, did it?

Oh, NIA. You’re cute as the proverbial button and, according to what I read in People, things are going awesome for you: new movie, happy family, etc etc. So why on earth are you out and about in what appears to be a velour nightgown layered over a black Second Skin Satin bra? This is not what you wear to a premiere! This is what you wear when you’re standing in your kitchen in your nightgown making coffee and you realize that you need to move your car for street-cleaning, but the fools across the street are always hanging out on their lawn screwing around and you can’t go out there without a bra on because they will be all eyeballing you and it will be awkward when all you want to do is just to move your damn car. You throw on a bra under your nightgown and run outside and move the car and then you come back inside the house. You don’t throw on a bra under your nightgown and run outside and move the car….to Beverly Hills for a movie screening. Honey. Come on. You can do better.