My New FugFF

There are days when I wake up and I think, “no one has left the house looking that terribly bad today. Whatever shall I write about?” And then I remember: PARIS HILTON STILL EXISTS.

[Photo: WENN.com]

And she is EXACTLY the sort of person who would wear heels, leggings that find themselves just barely on the correct side of opaque, a stripe-y sequined top, and a hippie headband — the likes of which I overheard her sister Nicky tell someone she hates while I was at Fashion Week — to get a coffee. BLESS YOU PARIS. When the rest of the world is all, “ooh, first day of school!” or “ooh, it’s fantasy football season,” or “ooh, it’s cooling off, maybe I’ll bake a pie,” YOU are thinking, “those celebrity and gossip bloggers need material! TO THE RESCUE! Later, I’ll run off with someone’s boyfriend, tell the press that I’m pretty sure we’re going to get married, get him a job on The Hills, and dump him. YOU DON’T HAVE TO THANK ME.”