National Treasure: BOOK OF FUG

On second thought, maybe the front is worse. God, I can’t decide. The front looks like what happens when you decide to make a wedding dress from those old satin pillowcases your grandma uses to keep her perm springy. The side view looks like a modern shoutout to Van Eyck’s Arnolfini Portrait. Which, if you find yourself in The Netherlands in 1430something: SCORE. But, you know, maybe not so hot in this particular millennium.

PS: Pacey’s continued absence at these events is no longer acceptable, though perhaps many men would not have the stones to accompany a woman in a wedding gown to anything other than, say, their wedding. Regardless: produce him immediately or suffer the consequences!