Candace Bushnell, there is but one woman who can wear a fur turban and get away with it. That woman is Joan Collins. You, Candace Bushnell, are no Joan Collins.
PS: If it’s cold enough for a fur turban and a granny sweater, it’s too cold for peep-toe shoes. Conversely, if you want to bust out the spring footwear, don’t make up for the loss of body heat by dressing like an extra from Julie of the Wolves. You just look confused.
PPS: We’re no longer obligated to match our bag and our shoes, as you are clearly aware. You may not have heard, however, that we were never obligated to match our bag to our hat, ESPECIALLY IF THE HAT IN QUESTION IS FUR.
PPS: As a favor to you, we’re not going to mention the pants. But, seriously? Brocade? Nyet.
Comments (55):
Maybe the color on my computer is a little off, but does she have some bird poop on her crotch?
Looks like a big ol’ marshmallow on her head. Or that she’s being devoured by a white cell. Or a huge patch of mold. Or a jellyfish.
Candy heard fur was in. And as we all know, any fashion icon or even a fashionable person will TAKE THAT TREND AND RUN WITH IT!
Fur hat? Plus open toed shoes? WTF? Maybe she has sweaty feet? For damn sure, if it is cold enough for me to wear a fur hat (and I live in Norway, I know about cold and fur hats…they only look ok if you are 60+) no way would I wear open toed shoes. That’s like sandals and a ski suit!
No, wait! It’s dandruff out of control!
She is just asking PETA to throw a big bucket of red paint on her. And it would improve the fugging outfit.
Btw, are those little horsies jaunting across her pants?
Dude, she is a raging bitch on that show wickedly perfect. I thought she was supposed to be cool like carrie from SITC? She sucks balls instead.
I just noticed… she’s got a fierce case of adam’s apple.
And what is that sweater made of? Loofah?
I want to know why she thought she could wear two different, incredibly contrasting prints the other day? I saw her on Wickedly Perfect, and she looked awful. That’s what I get for watching that horrible show, huh?
LOOFA! I just spit Diet Pepsi all over my screen!
I hate her on “Wickedly Perfect,” and I hate her more with a marshmellow on her head. The end.
PETA is going to have a field day taking her down. If you’re going to risk their wrath, at least wear something attractive. Specifically, not a hat-purse set.
I also fully agree with the loofah thing. It could also be made of cottony sand paper.
And the pants, well, I’m sure they will be slaughtered by everyone else so I’ll leave them alone.
that’s no adam’s apple – that’s a mini goiter! Someone get this woman some iodine, stat!
she is awful, awful, awful. simply unattractive, at all times, in every way.
It should also be mentioned that the “loofah” sweater is the colour of vomit.
Um, it’s not “Julie of the Wolves”, it’s “Dr. Zhivago”.
She looks like someone who just survived a mud slide and is wearing whatever the Red Cross could find to keep her warm. What a shame.
She does a mean Q-Tip impression, though. Gotta give her that.
Never mind the powder-puff hat and the open toe shoes. The sweater is sort of okay if it was with another outfit. What on EARTH are those pants made out of? Did she skin Godzilla?
On another note: Thank you, Heather and Jessica, for making Go Fug Yourself. The tyranny of the rich and famous must end, and you are the beginning of the revolution.
EVERYTHING about her ensemble screams “The only way people will take my photo or pretend to know I am there is if I dress like a complete tool. THAT will get their attention!”
Why is that hat so popular?
The heavily UNDERmedicated Chyna Doll on the Surreal Life wears that same hat. Everywhere. With a bikini. But, you know, she’s insane.
What’s Candace’s excuse?
I think that the red toenail polish with the gold lame’ open toed shoes is just way too grandma-living-in-a-retirement-home-in-Boca.
“Bird poop on her crotch” is exactly right!
The whole outfit says “I am a senior citizen who is going to get in line ahead of you at the supermarket with a pocketbook full of coupons.”
WTF is it with the “dress like Grandma” thing? Between Amber Valetta’s outfit (which just makes me think of the woman in the home who’s all gravelly-voiced “Honey, I used to be sexxxxayyyy! I used to date Tab Hunter AND Sonny Tufts…”), this monstrosity, and of course Ms. Kirsten “Get Out Your AARP Card” Dunst, I don’t know what the world is coming to.
Also, am I the only person who thinks that “fur turban” sounds really, really naughty?
“Mwrawwrrrr…I’d like to see her fur turban.”
What an unfortunate mishap: a sack of cotton balls spilled and one mistakenly landed on Candace’s head. But they didn’t stop there…another got soiled underfoot and morphed into her purse!
The “loofah” description of the sweater is a good one. My first impression was “Ace Bandage Fabric Mates With Zipper! Film at 11!”
But I will admit to liking the pants…minus the bird poop, natch. Love this site!
As punishment, she should be forced to read one of her own shitty books.
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Let’s dance the hora.
Santa Damien: You’re a hora
What a shame that a baby polar bear had to die, just so she could look amazingly fugly.
“Candace Bushnell, there is but one woman who can wear a fur turban and get away with it. That women is Joan Collins.”
Jess, honey, it should be ‘That woman is Joan Collins’. Can you fix it please or my OCD will kick in and I’ll have a relapse.
I fear that these head-devouring furry animals will prey on others… I hear they eventually swallow you whole.
I can’t be too specific, cuz I’ll get in trouble, but I see her ocasionally in the course of my work.If you could see the decor at her house, well, let’s just say it explains why she thought this looked good. I will say she’s actually quite a nice lady though..fug or not..
Who is David Silver?? I keep missing the joke.
LOVE THE WEBSITE!!!!!!!!!!!111
“Devoured by a white cell” — genius!
She’s already working the giant marshmallow. Now all she needs is the oversized graham cracker and Hershey bar, and she can be the world’s bitchiest s’more.
poor Candace obviously wore that stunning (only word for it) hat/shoe/purse combo to draw attention from her painfully sore looking red face…skin care is essential for women “over a certain age”
Rayaday, David Silver was a character on Beverly Hills 90210 played by Brian Austin Green. Here is a link of him, fantastically fugly, so you can see his resemblance with K Fugline:
http://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/hits/90210/bio_green.html
I think we all need to stop and give thanks that at least the hat doesn’t have those little strings on each side with a fur ball on the ends.
But red toenail polish must die….
this post was hilarious on the whole but, i have to say that they “nyet!” almost killed me. you two are so fugging clever!
Fug, fug, fug, fug, fug! OMG!
I just like the term “peep toe shoe”, y’all
Actually, if she had worn beige suede jeans the same colour as the sweater and a pair of Ugg boots in the same beige, this outfit and even the hat could have been saved. But alas, showing off the Godzilla kill was more important, and I’m guessing the shoes were a homage to Fay Wray for her stint with King Kong.
Thank you for the comment about the fur hat and open toed shoes. It validates my greatest fashion pet peeve…the sleeveless turtleneck…why? cold neck/hot arms…it makes no sense!
Juni, I believe that the sleeveless turtleneck exists for the important purpost of hiding summertime hickies. They are probably also useful for drag queens who wish to hide their adam’s apple in a manner more unique than the tired old pearl choker.
I think this photo may be the only time I have ever seen this woman smile. Seriously. I wouldn’t have recognized her without the caption.
Ooops, sorry, it was Bekzilla who loathes the sleeveless turtleneck…
“That woman is Joan Collins”
Someone else who would look good in a fur turban is Princess Anne.
Just to cover up that hair.
She looks like a q-tip. A q-tip that has Ann Coulter’s Adam’s Apple.
Thank you Jan for the update on David Silver….too funny. You just reminded me of why I never watched the show….
This website rocks!!!
If you’re going to have the labia to wear the fur turban, you could rock a little make-up too, don’t you think?
I mean, fur turban should automatically COME with good red lipstick I would think.
The hair, the make-up? Were is it Candy Darling?
fur is bad, but fur with a MATCHING purse is just wrong, wrong
Didn’t John Phillips from The Mamas and Papas wear this? But he at least had enough sense to pair it with boots.Heh.
I think she mistakenly dressed out of her husbands closet for this event.
Okay, she looks ridiculous…but brocade pants are awesome. Just not those, just not on her.
She looks great, fur hat, matching purse and all…but couldnt she do something with her hair??
I love you guys! What is super fucking hilarious is Julie of the Wolves. I read that book in elementary school and remember the cover so vividly. Even more vividly when Candace Bushnell wears it out.
My friend and I like to frequent a pub in a rough area of town sometimes, because they have fantastic food and cheap beer (we like to be simple folk, sometimes.) Anyway, I kid you not when I tell you that a 50 year old crack whore came in to use the washroom and she was wearing this same fur turban!!
My mom got those pants off QVC.
What’s with the scraggly hair? Can she not afford some Frizz-Ease?