LET’S DO THIS! First, a housekeeping note: Please don’t think I am ignoring the US ice dancers. We covered most of their costumes (which are basically the same this go-round, add or subtract a few spangles) back in January. I embrace them all in all their sparkling glory. In fact, I embrace them so much that I already embraced them. So let’s tackle a selection of our international ice-dancing friends instead!
These two are brother and sister. NEED I SAY MORE? I know Sinead and John Kerr’s original dance routine was based on some weird concept of, like, tacky American truckers or something — seriously, that’s really what it was about, more or less — but need they bring the creepy inbreeding stereotype that occasionally attaches itself to those of us of Southern heritage into it? WE’RE NOT ALL MARRYING OUR COUSINS. THAT WAS JUST AN EPISODE OF THE X-FILES. (This message brought to you by my relatives in Arkansas.) And, yes, that IS a tramp stamp you’re seeing. I admit, I don’t know if it’s real, or part of the costume, and nor do I know which would alarm me more. Let’s get a better look at her!
Honestly, I just want her to save this costume and eventually recycle it for use in a routine called, “BRITNEY: THE CHEETO YEARS.”
I guess the Kerr siblings really like denim, because this is what they wore for the free skate last night:
I REALLY wanted that routine to be about a zombie (him) who kidnaps and tortures a figure-skater (her), but apparently it’s about “despair” or something. I don’t know about you, but I despair for those pants. Was his desparation-filled character just changing the oil in his car?
Because Sunday’s original dance was supposed to be based on “folk or country” dances, what we saw, in additional to beaucoup de denim, were a LOT of chaps. Like the ones on US skater Evan Bates (in the piece linked above), and like this:
You know, one day I’d love someone to do a sociological exploration of why so many figure-skaters decide they want to skate as prostitutes, or quasi-prostitutes. I don’t mean that in a snide, “YOU LOOK LIKE A WHORE” kind of way — well, except in the case of the above, in which I believe she is actually meant to be a cowgirl, but she truly does look like a hooker. I actually mean, why do many skaters LITERALLY decide that they’re doing to perform their rendition of the apparently very twirl-y and jump-y lives of ACTUAL (18th century-ish) PROSTITUTES. I suppose this is because La Traviata is rather good to skate to? One of you brainiacs out there, please figure that out.
That chaps-y team — Nathalie Pechalat and Fabian Bourzat of La Belle France — also wore this, last night:
Heather and I can’t decide if he’s a robot, a clock, or a guy with a gunshot wound to the head, and at some point during the routine, I thought she’d slashed his head open with a skate and he was bleeding out. Regardless: DON’T.
On the other hand, Canadians Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir looked quite pretty during the original dance:
And even prettier last night, in their gold-medal winning efforts at the free skate:
They look so CLASSY and elegant. Which is not something I have EVER said about ice dancing, ever, in my entire life. I also decided last night that I am totally ‘shipping them, and want them to get married, and I basically love them. Just let me finish this piece, and then I will start my fanfic!
I also want these two to get married, just to KEEP THEM OFF THE STREETS:
As I noted on our Twitter while this…situation…was happening, if your routine requires MULTIPLE visits with cultural leaders for what is essentially sensitivity training, MAYBE TRY ANOTHER ROUTINE. ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS THE “TONED-DOWN” VERSION. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS ANYTHING CLOSE TO A GOOD IDEA? YOU ARE GROSSING ME OUT. Also, this routine wasn’t even well-skated. I personally feel that if you’re going to perform a wickedly insensitive, deeply questionable and super-inaccurate routine about Aboriginal culture, YOU BETTER SKATE THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
The Russians’ costumes for last night’s skate were likewise very, very special:
Yeah. They have FACES SILK SCREENED ALL OVER THEIR BODIES. (Click on the pic to see it bigger. IF YOU DARE.) And that’s in addition to looking like they just escaped from a straight-to-DVD sequel to Conan the Barbarian, in which Conan becomes a vampire who spends a lot of time in Miami Beach. Couldn’t someone have docked some points from these two for extreme tackiness, even in ice dancing terms? Because I’m scared that I’m going to dream about the eyes and the faces and the tatters and the cape and that hair tonight, and it’s going to turn into some kind of feverish nightmare in which somehow Yanni appears and I just really need my rest.
So in order to change the subject, allow me to present to you the other Russian team, Jana Khokhlova and Sergei Novitski
. As a palate cleanser, of sorts:
YES. Heather pointed out to me last night that this routine appears to be about Dumbledore’s phoenix, Fawkes, and the wacky adventures he has with one of the more disaffected members of KIIS. I’d pay money to see that one live, folks.
Can’t wait to see how the ladies top this one. Frankly, I don’t think it’s possible. But we’ll find out soon enough. Keep skating, Fug Nation!
Is Bobby Brown Writing a Tell-All Book On Whitney Houston? – Huffington Post
Olympic Ice Dancing: Fab and Fabber
LET’S DO THIS! First, a housekeeping note: Please don’t think I am ignoring the US ice dancers. We covered most of their costumes (which are basically the same this go-round, add or subtract a few spangles) back in January. I embrace them all in all their sparkling glory. In fact, I embrace them so much that I already embraced them. So let’s tackle a selection of our international ice-dancing friends instead!
These two are brother and sister. NEED I SAY MORE? I know Sinead and John Kerr’s original dance routine was based on some weird concept of, like, tacky American truckers or something — seriously, that’s really what it was about, more or less — but need they bring the creepy inbreeding stereotype that occasionally attaches itself to those of us of Southern heritage into it? WE’RE NOT ALL MARRYING OUR COUSINS. THAT WAS JUST AN EPISODE OF THE X-FILES. (This message brought to you by my relatives in Arkansas.) And, yes, that IS a tramp stamp you’re seeing. I admit, I don’t know if it’s real, or part of the costume, and nor do I know which would alarm me more. Let’s get a better look at her!
Honestly, I just want her to save this costume and eventually recycle it for use in a routine called, “BRITNEY: THE CHEETO YEARS.”
I guess the Kerr siblings really like denim, because this is what they wore for the free skate last night:
I REALLY wanted that routine to be about a zombie (him) who kidnaps and tortures a figure-skater (her), but apparently it’s about “despair” or something. I don’t know about you, but I despair for those pants. Was his desparation-filled character just changing the oil in his car?
Because Sunday’s original dance was supposed to be based on “folk or country” dances, what we saw, in additional to beaucoup de denim, were a LOT of chaps. Like the ones on US skater Evan Bates (in the piece linked above), and like this:
You know, one day I’d love someone to do a sociological exploration of why so many figure-skaters decide they want to skate as prostitutes, or quasi-prostitutes. I don’t mean that in a snide, “YOU LOOK LIKE A WHORE” kind of way — well, except in the case of the above, in which I believe she is actually meant to be a cowgirl, but she truly does look like a hooker. I actually mean, why do many skaters LITERALLY decide that they’re doing to perform their rendition of the apparently very twirl-y and jump-y lives of ACTUAL (18th century-ish) PROSTITUTES. I suppose this is because La Traviata is rather good to skate to? One of you brainiacs out there, please figure that out.
That chaps-y team — Nathalie Pechalat and Fabian Bourzat of La Belle France — also wore this, last night:
Heather and I can’t decide if he’s a robot, a clock, or a guy with a gunshot wound to the head, and at some point during the routine, I thought she’d slashed his head open with a skate and he was bleeding out. Regardless: DON’T.
On the other hand, Canadians Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir looked quite pretty during the original dance:
And even prettier last night, in their gold-medal winning efforts at the free skate:
They look so CLASSY and elegant. Which is not something I have EVER said about ice dancing, ever, in my entire life. I also decided last night that I am totally ‘shipping them, and want them to get married, and I basically love them. Just let me finish this piece, and then I will start my fanfic!
I also want these two to get married, just to KEEP THEM OFF THE STREETS:
As I noted on our Twitter while this…situation…was happening, if your routine requires MULTIPLE visits with cultural leaders for what is essentially sensitivity training, MAYBE TRY ANOTHER ROUTINE. ESPECIALLY SINCE THIS IS THE “TONED-DOWN” VERSION. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS ANYTHING CLOSE TO A GOOD IDEA? YOU ARE GROSSING ME OUT. Also, this routine wasn’t even well-skated. I personally feel that if you’re going to perform a wickedly insensitive, deeply questionable and super-inaccurate routine about Aboriginal culture, YOU BETTER SKATE THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
The Russians’ costumes for last night’s skate were likewise very, very special:
Yeah. They have FACES SILK SCREENED ALL OVER THEIR BODIES. (Click on the pic to see it bigger. IF YOU DARE.) And that’s in addition to looking like they just escaped from a straight-to-DVD sequel to Conan the Barbarian, in which Conan becomes a vampire who spends a lot of time in Miami Beach. Couldn’t someone have docked some points from these two for extreme tackiness, even in ice dancing terms? Because I’m scared that I’m going to dream about the eyes and the faces and the tatters and the cape and that hair tonight, and it’s going to turn into some kind of feverish nightmare in which somehow Yanni appears and I just really need my rest.
So in order to change the subject, allow me to present to you the other Russian team, Jana Khokhlova and Sergei Novitski
. As a palate cleanser, of sorts:
YES. Heather pointed out to me last night that this routine appears to be about Dumbledore’s phoenix, Fawkes, and the wacky adventures he has with one of the more disaffected members of KIIS. I’d pay money to see that one live, folks.
Can’t wait to see how the ladies top this one. Frankly, I don’t think it’s possible. But we’ll find out soon enough. Keep skating, Fug Nation!
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