Oscar Fug Carpet: Jessica Biel

I don’t know where to start, so I think I’ll take “People Whom Justin Timberlake Either Has Dated, Or Is Dating, Who Refuse To Do Their Hair And Who Wear Weirdly Constructed Bridal-Looking Gowns To The Oscars” for $200, Alex:

Tragically, this photo does not quite do justice to how mangy and faintly greasy her hair looked, like she threw it into a half-updo right after she finished a rigorous course of squat-thrusts and lunges. Do we think maybe J.T. is to blame? After dating Pop-Star Britney when she was spit-shined and squeezed into bikinis with snake accessories, maybe he’s decided he prefers his girls a little rumpled.

The dress itself doesn’t get any more interesting when you see the whole thing, either:

[Photo: WENN]

I don’t much care for how it appears to be sticking out its
giant white tongue at me. Do not mock me, Tedious Garment. Didn’t your mother, who I assume is still on the rack at David’s Bridal, teach you it’s not polite to do that? It’s not my fault you are so drab and unimaginative that someone stuck a burp cloth on the front and called it a ruffle. Humph.