“Hola, lovers!
“It’s Jenny here! What-what, yo! Did you see me hosting Saturday Night Live the other night, singing and saying words on the stage like Taylor Swift, if she were swept up in a glamorous tornado of YES? It was fantastic. I know you might think, “Jennifer, why is it that in the Univision Olympics sketch, your fake Spanish accent sounded terrible?” Ay tiny-brained fans, it is called ACTING. It was a CHOICE. Why did I make that choice? Why does the Pope like hats? Why is the sky blue? Why is Marc? These are questions the universe does not want answered, mis amores. They are the great mysteries of life.
“Let us become serious. Miran: Have you ever wanted to sail the oceans on a bubblegum glacier while the water runs thick with the blood of the damned — just you, your husband, and his 100-pack of bendy straws? Of course you haven’t! You cannot sail on a glacier! Ha ha! Don’t be stupid! But maybe if you wanted to carve a boat out of a cotton-candy iceberg, you could imagine how I felt, gliding down this carpet in this dress.
“Oh, amigos, it was a waterfall of glory wrapped in packing material and dipped in strawberry yogurt.
“Still, mi gente, we must talk. Some little pipsqueak named Amy Siegfried also wore Armani, and there are those who want me to get punchy-ragey about it, but I ask you, could tiny me, pequeñita Jennifer, rip off this child’s bun and shove it down her copycat throat?
“Would it be right, lovers, for me to pummel a tiny creature who — next to my Glory Glacier — looks like she is riding the clump in a jammed-up ice machine? Is it fair to have Marc nibble off her arm and use it to pop her bubble wrap? Ay, si, she is pretty. But what is the POINT of this? Her hip is not raining Barbie bedspreads!
See? It is such a cacade, Marc hopped into a barrel and tried to go over me! Or maybe I put him in the barrel to take a nap! I don’t remember! But HER hip is merely zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….. HAHAHA! I fell asleep! I must have been counting that dress jumping over a fence!
“Pero, amigos, let us not fill our souls with hate. Sigmund Ammo or whatever its name is cannot help that it is not Jennifer Lopez. It is not her fault. Por favor, do not point your swords of rage at her. Point them instead at Armani, because to quote my role model, the Queen of Hearts, SOMEONE’S HEAD IS GOING TO ROLL FOR THIS. When you try to steal my thunder, you get the lightning, bitches! Do not pickpocket the sexy because it will break your fingers and feed them to the undead! Do not– Shh, no, my Marc, go back to bed, I don’t have any fingers for you today.
AND SO! What were we talking about? The Academy ABOREDs? HA HA HA! Wake me up when they give me the lifetime achievement thingamy! Maid In Manhattan was hard!
Besos,
JLNJA
Comments (493):
Amanda looked so pretty (though at first I thought she was Dakota Fanning), like Cinderella at the ball. JLo annoys the crap out of me, but I would have liked the dress without all the frou-frou tacked on the side.
Amanda, but only because JLo looks kind of exhausted by…all that. (WHAT’s the deal with all the flyaways? Was it especially challenging weather last night? Or was it that this is the first time I saw the show in HD?)
Ugh, I HATE Jennifer’s dress. It looks like she draped some ruffles over a giant hip tumor. Amanda looks very pretty, but I wonder if her dress is too MUCH? I tend to think voluminous dresses are more appropriate on people who are nominated — anyone else who wears that much dress appears to be trying to upstage the nominees.
You guys have me CRYING I am laughing so hard at this entry. I’m reading this while I eat lunch at my desk and people are walking by my office thinking I’m crazy. (And, yes they both looked ridiculous).
A few months ago, you posted a link to Crystal Barbie video circa 1983 to compare with Kristen Bell’s “dress-kini”. The color was shimmery and similar indeed, but I believe that J Lo is wearing the Crystal Barbie dress. The “removable fashion stole”, was simply pinned to her hip. I like to think that she walked the red carpet making that horrible crinkly noise that Barbie’s dress made, too.
Amanda was beautiful, but her pale-is-pretty look seemed more pasty next to too-tan Miley.
Amanda’s just works better.
Now, not to hijack this, and sorry for going off topic, but I cannot contain my need to say (comments weren’t open on that post! What was that about?!) that I kind of liked Sarah Jessica Parker’s dress, but her face distressed me mightily…. so sad.
Now all I can see when I look at both of them is a future Project Runway challenge involving bubble wrap.
Maybe it was different live, but in pictures at least…I can’t tell where J.Lo’s legs are under her dress. The first picture and the one on the NYT site are the worst; it looks like something rigged up (possibly involving stilts) by Jim Henson or Brian Froud. I realize this partly because of the ridiculous poses that are supposed to make the outrageously thin look downright scrawny, but I think the lopsided cascade must be partially at fault.
Amanda is gorgeous, but I think the dress is too plain and boring for her.
I have to say Amanda’s dress looked better, if only because when I saw J Lo come out to present on TV my first thought was “Why is J Lo wearing bubble wrap? Is it some kind of spin on the duct tape prom dress?”
J Lo’s looks like it’s made of some sort of hybrid of those foam fold-top baggies that fragile things come packed in, and a quilted windshield shade. But in pink.
In the words of Blaine Edwards and Antoine Merriweather, HATED IT.
Amanda looks like she is swallowed in MEH.
At least JLo has the personality for a bubblegum gown.
Some other commentator said that Amanda’s dress made her look “flat” (in the boobs department). Upon reading that I thought, Hooray for Amanda, not needing to shout “look at me world, I’m a sexy GROWN WOMAN” by having her breasts cozy up to her earlobes. That comment helped me articulate why I like Amanda’s choice. It’s classy and sexy without being sexual.
So basically two people wore variations of the latest Armani Prive collection? Those two dresses are too similar for me not to call shenanigans on whoever is working at Armani. I’ll pick Amanda’s dress only because I don’t like the color of JLo’s.
I love that you always let J.Lo speak for herself.
Your J.Lo inner monologues always KILL ME.
I think Amanda looked lovely and the dress fit her beautifully, but I would have liked to have seen her in something more youthful and colorful and fun – she’s such a beautiful, seemingly down-to-earth girl. Still, it’s the Oscars. It’s the time and place to go big.
I do not love J.Lo’s dress, but I kind of love it ON HER, because c’mon – it’s J.Lo. Giant barbie bedspreads are just what she SHOULD be wearing.
Amanda’s dress was boring, but at least it didn’t have a vagina-like mound of draped fabric at her hip.
Siegfried for the win.
I like them both okay, but I don’t think that color does much for JLo.
I love Amanda’s dress. It’s the volume of the skirt, and the contrast between the stiff bodice and the flowy skirt. Jennifer’s dress, on the contrary, looks stiff everywhere. The volume could be fun but there isn’t enough drape.
If only Amanda had worn a color she’d have had it hands down.
And off subject, but I have to agree on SJP’s face – did she get a bad face lift or was it just the heavy eye-liner making her look so squinty?
I liked JLo’s, very glamorous and gutsy. Amanda’s is pretty, but maybe too much for her.
I posted this during the read carpet last night on facebook. Obviously, I took inspiration from the fug girls. I am going to pretend in my head that the fug girls saw my posting and were so impressed they wrote their own version. Yup, that is what happened. Cause it was not obvious that the dresses were the same.
Senor Armani,It is I, J. Lo,aka, Jenny dal blocco. You clearly didn’t understand my assistant’s assistant’s instruction that my Oscar gown be one of a kind. J.Lo does not want her magic diluted by some Dear John bimbo whose breasts can tell if it is raining. (Not impressive, J.Lo’s booty can predict earthquakes.) It looks like you cut off her skirt and stuck it on my hip. J.Lo’s hip does not get cast offs! Ciao,J.LO
If Amanda’s dress was a more interesting color (or you know, A COLOR) I’d like it much more. I’m so over the colorless bland blah skin tone neutral thing. See also Anna Kendrick’s dress-if it had been a deeper shade of pink it would have been darling.
I thought they were both quite pretty.
Ojo: not to be all Spanish teacher-y, but it’s “miren.” J.Lo would definitely be issuing commands in her monologues!
I liked both of them a lot better from a distance. Close-up I could see the bubble-wrap/quilt texture, and that was just strange. Not quite enough to completely ruin the dresses for me, though, especially since they did manage to create a good visual effect from farther off. I choose Amanda’s over J-Lo’s, though, because I can’t stand the Crystal-Barbie Pink. I know the white is a little boring, but that’s less of a sin in my book than the color of J-Lo’s dress. Also, hip vagina.
And I don’t think Amanda’s makes her look “flat”; I think it makes her look like a woman with normal-sized boobs wearing a bodice that fits.
I think J Lo needed to do a little more work on her hair. It looks like she rode in on the back of a motorcycle and didn’t get a chance to fix it.
I definitely liked Amanda’s better. I think it’s very pretty and appopriate. I also like her bracelet.
Love your JLo monologues. Always crack me up. Besos!
I liked Amanda’s dress. I kinda wanted to like J-Los, but when I saw it on TV the shape of the stuff on her hip was very … orchid like. Especially with that color. Very Georgia O’Keefe flowers, iykwim… After that I couldn’t really look at the dress.
I find J.Lo’s more interesting than Amanda’s, also Amanda was quite blessed in the bust department and that dress totally hid the goods.
sidebar – I’m I the only one who finds this Jennifer Lopez posts to be kind of racist? Jennifer Lopez is American for one thing and has a SLIGHT Bronx accent, not a spannish accent and she doesn’t speak in spanglish that’s for sure.
What’s next postings about Bai Ling where the l’s and r’s are reversed? I usually expect more from this blog
I would have loved Amanda’s if it had been a tiny bit darker — the dress read as white on my TV last night, making her look like she was about to walk down the aisle instead of present an award. (And I secretly think the ruffly thing was kind of fab, but only because it’s J. Lo)
I was more distracted by J.Lo’s hair — it looked like it hadn’t been brushed in a week!
Sidebar: Why did so many women have hair that looks like mine does when I pull it up to take a shower and don’t want to sleep on wet hair? All of the flyaway updos were awful!
Wasn’t it nice to see that Cameron Diaz remembered that she had a head?
the fingers joke was hilarious/genius. thanks for the laugh!
It’s all bubble wrap to me, but Amanda has the appropriate amount to wrap whatever fabulousness she’s shipping off to her cousins in Connecticut for their 10th birthdays and damn, this line at the post office is loooonnnnnngggg. J-Lo is the gal 2 people behind the head of the line who is desperately trying to stuff all that padding into a too-small box (but it’s the cheaper price in the smaller box!) and will probably ask the counter person for some tape even though they usually make you pay for a roll. And has she filled out the address label yet? Fuggedaboutit.
I did not like Jennifer’s. At all. I also think Amanda’s was the wrong color for her and she needed a different hairstyle or makeup or… something. Still, love the style of Amanda’s while J.Lo just looked awkward.
I’m sure they are lovely dresses somehow. I just could not get over that they were made of bubble wrap, and I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one.
I think Amanda’s dress would have been lovely (or much lovelier, anyway, but the material is sort of weird, non?) on someone with darker skin. On her, it just looks boring. She’s too pale for that complete lack of color to work. On the other hand, J.Lo looks like she’s being devoured by a sea creature. Seyfried for the win.
I think the hair was due to the brief post-rain humidity. (It rained right at the start of the red carpet)
@Testington-I’m Hispanic and I find it hilarious, just like when they parodied her on South Park.
I tweeted last night that it looked like J.Lo’s dress vomited a vat of cotton candy all over itself. I stand by my tweet. And when A.Sey and M.Cy walked onstage together, I said, “too much tulle for these twee twosome.” Just too much dress, for either.
J.Lo must be PISSED for two things: 1) that Armani two-timed her in bubble-wrap fugliness; 2) that she had to share the stage to present with some *nobody* (though sexy Aussie accent & nerdy reading glasses? swoon!). Oh, and where was everyone’s smoothing serum last nite? I know it was rainy, but sheesh! Fuzzy caterpillar city!
Amanda’s bodice seemed to be channeling Anne Boleyn and although pretty, and she’s so pretty, I didn’t understand that boning thing happening. It’s funny, because my sister and I were emailing each other during the awards, and she thought J.Lo’s dress was lovely and I didn’t.
And I also love when you do the J.Lo inner monologues, hilarity ensues!
J.Lo’s dress looks like a quilt! Terrible. Amanda’s is so much better!
I kind of thought this dress looked like a thinner, more elegant pork rind.
That rumbling sound, off in the distance? Someone’s head, at Armani, rolling. Dunno if Amanda will phone them up to shriek, but I bet JLo will.
This entry was absolutely amazing! I like Amanda’s better but I’m not a huge fan of either. I think mostly because I expect the more extravagant dresses to be worn by people who are nominated or Hollywood’s true A-list, and I don’t consider either Amanda or J. Lo to be there. Plus the color of Amanda’s dress completely washes her out and I agree looks a lot like bubble wrap.
When I first saw JLo last night, my thought was “She has another whole dress pinned to her hip!”
@Testington- I’ve always thought of the J.Lo monologue as her inner diva, not a representation of how J.Lo herself looks or sounds. I took the Spanish as a nod to J.Lo’s public embrace of her Latina heritage. I do see why there would be a concern, and I hope I’m not reaching for justifications because I find the monologues hilarious.
YES! I turned on the Oscars late after a long drive home, and I yelled to no one in particular (well, myself in particular, and my downstairs neighbors may have wanted to know) “Why is J. Lo in BUBBLE WRAP?” After some consideration, I rephrased: “Why are you wearing the child of Bubble Wrap and Shower Curtain?” plus whatever that tumor is sprouting out of the side did nothing for either her figure or anyone unfortunate enough to be walking by.
Amanda’s is definitely better, but only if you’re in the market for a Cinderella dress – AND you’re nominated.
I don’t like J.Lo’s dress. Amanda’s is better, but I would add some color. Maybe a warm salmon pink, like photoshoped here: http://img62.imageshack.us/img62/3553/seyfriedoscars.jpg
I kind of like Amanda’s, and I think it may grow on me. I really like the simple, elegant cut. J-Lo’s looks like it ripped up to the waist and she pinned the Barbie bedspread over it to cover her shame. Not an ideal solution, and that fabric is really horrible. It looks so tacky and cheap.
JLo’s dress looked OK from the front, but when she turned around it was ridonkulous. That dress did not have enough room for her butt. The poor fit made it look trashy from the side and the back, like something Coco (Ice-T’s wife) would wear (does she not have a 3way mirror?). The only saving grace is that E! cut from the pink butt explosion to poor SJP who looked anorexic and tanorexic by comparison.
(I have nothing against a big butt per se, but the pink sausage casing look isn’t flattering)
I like ‘em both.
Amanda’s looks all fluffy-prommy, and that could be sort of meh, were she not the kind of Prom Type For Life. You know?
If Amanda were a superhero, she’d be Prom Girl: wearing some tiny little red supersuit under that giant vomitous mass of pufftacular white, appearing at some poor almost-drunk girl’s side at her moment of almost-humiliation to SAVE THE DAY!
She’s perfect for this role. She’s got, like, crazy eyes. Crazy GOOD: crazy pure.
J-Lo, on the other hand: she **invented** the booty on the almost-vanilla chick, so I’m happy to see her work it again in this taffy nightmare.
She looks happy, her hair looks nice, she spoke the nominees’ names perfectly, and at the envelope opening, the cameraperson did this great SWOOOP-tight-shot right to her face (with lowered eyes), and whoever her partner was: as if to say, “Is there something GOING ON between these two? World, you decide!”
I thought that was awesome.
My verdict? Two fug dresses. Two fab ladies. Well played, cameraperson!
Bubble-wrap it is!
You know that silvery coated quilty material they use to pad furniture for moving? That’s what that material reminded me of. Also, when I first saw Sra. Anthony’s dress, I thought she was wearing a gently used piece of last year’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Amanda’s dress bores me to tears. Boring color, boring fabric, boring silhouette. The bodice is too high and seems to be doing weird things to her torso and arms. J. Lo by default, but I like how her dress is super-amplifying her curves. Very high drag in a way.
Lawrence Zarian on TV Guide Red Carpet said that J. Lo’s hip looked like it “farted fabric”. Crude, but truthful.
I don’t think we should criticize la lopez when she is clearly trying to provide snack foods to the masses. If someone came to my 3 hour long event where they weren’t serving food or drinks wrapped in cotton candy I’d be THANKFUL, not smug. That is all. Admit it, you want to snatch a fold of sugary goodness off her dress RIGHT NOW, don’t you?
I really thought Amanda looked very pretty in her dress, J Lo – yuck. What was the deal with everyone’s flyaway hair last night? Was there wind in the auditorium?
I feel like Amanda has a pure angel face, and she downplayed it with a boring-colored dress.
But my final vote was THANK YOU LADIES for NOT WEARING BLACK! I don’t understand why that’s the go-to color for formals. There are so many choices! You are not Cruella de Ville or that witch/sorceress from Snow White..what was her name?
I attended a formal event last year. All the men were in black tuxedos, all the women wore black evening gowns, and I stood out like sore thumb in the portrait in my red dress. But in a good way! CHOOSE COLOR, PEOPLE!
I have to agree with Cassie on this – J. Lo’s dress may be all kinds of crazy, but it is so her, O’Keefe bubblewrap Barbie waterfall included. Admittedly that may not be a good thing, but I thought it was fabulously insane.
Not too fond of the bodice on Amanda’s dress, but the bottom flows so prettily, even if it is a cross between Cinderella and safety packaging. Cinderella wins!
Love Amanda’s dress. Amanda is very busty, and this dress fits. Beautifully. No boobs spilling out over the top or the sides, no cleavage enhancement necessary. She looks lovely and classy, even if that silver-y white look is a bit pale for her. And next to Miley Cyrus on stage she was the picture of well dressed (seriously? who dressed Miley?).
JLo…well the dress was almost wearing her. And it certainly looked like it could stand up on its own.
I stared and stared at this material last night, trying to decide what it reminded me of, and it hit me: the underside of that ugly floral bedspread in motels. The one you would rather peel back with ice tongs than sit on. I think that’s what these are made of.
Amanda looked like an angel to me in her dress! The picture above is a wonderful shot that shows the great length as it just sweeps across the floor. The fabric alone is 100 times better than J. Lo’s packing material UPS store dress. Sorry honey…light is not your friend. It only makes the dress look cheap. She’s all set though for shipping at least three vases.
JLo’s looked interesting from certain photo angles, but from others it just looked like a crazy mess.
Amanda, on the other hand, has looked great in every photo I’ve seen her in. Definite WIN.
Bubble Wrap! Both of them! Who wants to add bulk to their clothes?
may i just say, i LOVE it when you slip into j-lo-speak or whatever it is you call it. it’s like you’re channeling someone. or something. it’s pitch perfect because you sustain it all the way through. as a writer, i would love to hear how you do it. do you speak it out loud as you type? it just tickles me every time.
i realize i’m in the minority, but i love j-lo’s dress. it’s everything you called it and more. whipped cream and cherry, too. who else could pull that crazy thing off?! a dress that strong would swallow most people.
the other one is pretty but the color is almost not there – and i don’t think she has enough drama in her own coloring to really work it.
i would love to see amanda’s dress on juliana marguiles or someone with similar coloring.
I am so glad you fugged/fabbed these two dresses together. Once I had seen both of them, my first thought was “Man, I really hope the Fug Girls talk about how much those dresses look alike.”
I want to spend hours popping both dresses.
Isn’t this material actually DEFINED as “fub”?
As in, “Jennifer Lopez wore a strapless gown of ruched and fitted strawberries-and-cream fub, with a side train of the same material, to the Oscars last night.”
I’ll pick J.Lo…however we must discuss
“When you try to steal my thunder, you get the lightning, bitches!”
BEST QUOTE EVER!
i called it “channeling” in my earlier comment. i meant “possessed.”
J-Lo is THAT chick to me, fashionwise; I’m glad the booty made a comeback, and yes, the fabric looks like bubble wrap,but it is FABULOUS bubble wrap lol. I thought the color was gorgeous and yes, she’s got a big butt, but that’s part of her awesomeness, IMO. No sense in trying to hide it, and in her case,definitely NOT something to hide.
Amanda’s was, to be honest, boring. Maybe in a different color? I dunno. But she’s not owning it like Jenny from the Block.
J Lo is bringing it in that dress- she wears it, and fiercely! The other little washed-out gal with the bad slick hair is simply rolled in bubble wrap, and that dress is wearing her. The bubble-wrap fabric is all I saw on her, but with J-lo, the delicate color, the over the top hip-ruffle, just- Wow. Maybe not all in a good way, but WOW. Bellissima.
Oddly, I liked J-Lo’s from the first camera angle. I say oddly because I can’t normally abide anything she wears. That said, I think it was epic fail from any other angle. The slit killed it and more. She is simply not built to wear the styles she wears.
I’m not sure anyone is built to wear Jenny’s dress but it looked pretty good in the first picture from precisely that angle. When will certain singer/actresses learn that they will be seen in the harsh 3D of you know…life.
When I first saw J-Lo’s dress I was reminded of bubblewrap for some reason. Now after looking at these pictures… the memory is still there. Thanks for the laughs.
I want to congratulate J-Lo’s concern for the environment as shown by her “Salute to Recyling” dress. Who would ever have considered using pink bubble wrap for a dress! And making the upper bodice out of melted fiberglass insulation? Priceless!
But I hope she didn’t ask anyone if the dress makes her butt look big. Because we know that the obvious answer is not “NO.”
@Testington: They’re not intended as actual representations of J.Lo — they’re poking fun at the way J.Lo presents herself, like, she is badass and a diva and a very romantic singer of love songs. And above all, the way she embraced her heritage only when it was convenient for her to do so. Ergo, we kind of created this alter-ego in which she’s a bit of a poser. Or poseur, if you will.
Heather my love, you do realise that when you make Jennifer LAW-pez(!) talk in that fake Spanish voice, she will ALWAYS WIN BY DINT OF SHEER FIERCENESS AND CAPSLOCK? Seyfried who?
I couldn’t stop laughing every time I saw J. Lo. She looked like they cut the top half of her conjoined twin off right before she went on stage in the bubble wrap dress they designed when they were 10 & always dreamed of wearing when they Made It Big.
When I first saw J.Lo last night, my first thought was, “Oh, dear god, is she wearing cleverly draped bubble wrap over white?!”
I sadly was unable to get over that first impression.
J. Lo’s looks unfinished. Like somebody got frustrated and just bunched it all up in a clip saying they would get back to it later. And, I mean, on the side!? Now she seems to have scoliosis or some other unfortunate ailment.
These two exemplify the rule that When the Fabric is Unusual, the Cut Should be Less So. When the Fabric is Neutral or Not Strongly Textured, the Cut can Indeed be Outrageous.
I really like Amanda’s dress and thought she looked beautiful – well, because she is incredibly so – but I did not like her hair and make up. I thought the make up was too dark for the dress and her complexion and made her look tired. Also, her hair seemed so severe from the front.
J Lo’s dress was predictably ridiculous, because that’s just what Jenny does. She goes big and crazy or she goes home.
Hey, JLo, I did not know that mattress covers came in lavender. Both boring dresses, but JLo making up for it in booty.
I truly do think Amanda looks better, but since this is what Kathy Griffin would call a “night of honesty,” I feel compelled to confess to you that a teensy part of that includes how much I love Amanda Seyfried vs. how much I absolutely HATE J-Lo.
They both stole those dresses out of Barbies 1980′s wardrobe! The both look (the dresses) terrible. The pattern reminds me of a pikkie of a cake I have in a 1970′s recipe book. The whole lattice on the diamond. I have to say Amanda must of got in first ’cause she got the better of the two dresses if it is possible to even say that!!!!!
That’s not Dakota Fanning?!
From the neck up, J-Lo looks like she just got out of the gym..
Just once I’d love for you guys to Fug Jennifer without resorting to Spanglish. I find it so easy to hate what Jennifer wears yet so difficult and awkward to read these “Hola, lovers” posts, and for some reason they’re never as funny or insightful as your run-of-the-mill yet sparking normal posts.
JLo wore a REVERSE BUSTLE. A hip bustle, if you will. Why in the world are all the fashionistas rushing to crown her amazing? Such behavior should not be encouraged. It should be discouraged with the strongest of language (such as, for example, REVERSE BUSTLE).
Amanda, on the other hand, did not sport a reverse bustle. I bow to her good taste.
Oh Armani. Why. WHY? Fug ladies – your J.Lo posts make my life. I salute you.
I love the Spanglish, it reminds me of when I go to eat at Azteca and the blonde WASPish hostess greets me with, “Hello, Amigos!” Only J.Lo actually IS SpaMexiRican or something and she likes to change up the degree like now she’s white! Now she’s Latina! Now she might be black! Now white again! Cracks me up.
I was looking at the JLNJA at the bottom of the post for a while and I think it’s “Jennifer Lopez Not Jennifer Aniston.” Am I right? Do I win something? Just curious.
I must admit first reaction to both dresses was WTH because they looked very much like bubble-wrap. Seriously, I thought that when JLo sat down there was going to be a series of popping noises! But I chose Amanda’s dress because the weird hip attachment to JLo’s kinda freaked me out haha
I was so bored when I saw J-Lo’s dress. The whole thing bores me senseless. Boring! Boring! Boring! I like the simplicity of Amanda’s dress.
Oh, please. I love the J.Lo Diva-Speak. There is absolutely nothing racist about it — she wears that Jenny from the Block persona like a plush hoodie someone went to town on with a Bedazzler…
Racism… sigh. I live in Los Angeles; we’ve been seeing true resurgent racism on the campus of UC San Diego with the loathsome frat party noose and KKK hood, so can we please focus the ire where it belongs? How about all over the internet, where right wingers feel free to make nasty comments about Barack and Michelle Obama, complete with racist epithets?
A little equanimity, please.
I thought both dresses were the same until this post. Thank you. I want to like them … but both actresses can do (and have done) better. They look like they’re having a contest to see who can wear a comforter better. J.Lo wins out of sheer crazy.
Your J.Lo posts are amazing. They channel the “Taco-flavored KEEEEESEEEES” voice from South Park so perfectly and just make my day. Love love love.
J.Lo’s reminds me of a shrimp chip.
Thank goodness I wasn’t the only one that thought this dress material looked like bubblewrap at first glance. Who knew they made red carpet gowns at Staples?!
This was the debate we were having last night:
If the dress’ train is on the side, is it a train or a sidecar?
How does one sit comfortably in those dresses for the length of the ceremony?
and finally, we figure the dresses could double as tents for all the elfkin anorexics in attendance to keep dry from the rain (see: Mrs. James Cameron)
Granted, we were a few glasses in and had Mariah Carey happy at that point, so our conversations were a little crazy…
Oh, and we hated them both but would have LOVED to see JLo’s reaction when she saw that “abba girl” in her dress!
I feel like these pictures don’t do justice. Seeing it on television I thought Jennifer’s dress was gorgeous and Amanda’s was eh, but here it looks the opposite.
Bubble wrap! I kept screaming it at my roommate, my boyfriend, anyone within shouting distance.
But the HAIR! On her AND SJP! I think it HAD to have been a choice, how else can one explain the contrasting smoothness of Kate Winslet and Sandra Bullock’s hair? Or how smooth the BACK of SJP’s hair style (while perhaps fake hair) was compared to whatever fringe frizz thing was going on in front. Made me crazier than anything else I saw last night.
Amanda looks like she got shoved the wrong way down a giant funnel. JLo’s dress would be pretty were it not for the attachment that makes it look like she is smuggling a child into the Oscars with her by way of swaddling it in bubble wrap and then attaching it to her hip. Didn’t she realise that the poor kid has probably died of suffocation by now?? There’s only so much air in those bubbles you know.
I’d like to take this moment to thank all you wonderful people at Armani, for bringing back the fabulous JLo and the deeply inspiring insights into her mind and soul. We surely wouldn’t be having this treat, if ms Seyfried hadn’t been there in your ‘other’ creation.
I liked J. Lo’s dress from the side, but when she turned and faced the camera full-on, it just looked awkwardly cobbled together, which is something of a shame because it has a lot of potential.
I have to go with Amanda, if only because her dress didn’t have that let-down.
The thing with J. Lo’s dress is that it is the dress for her. I kinda liked it until i saw the third picture (front/sideways): it’s crazy, it yells “ME!ME!!MEEEEE!!!”-that dress is J. Lo, and there is no other in the world who can pull it off.
on the other side, shame on Amanda for stealing Cinderella’s dress. (No, no Amanda can never, ever be the best from the best of all fairytales in my eyes, so maybe i’m biased;).
win for J. Lo, pray for Armani’s life.
That fabric is yuck.
I like JLo’s much better. It was structural and interesting. Amanda’s looked like the poor version of it. Also, JLo has the coloring to wear the pale shade, Amanda doesn’t, her dress washes her out.
I agree with whomever wrote that both Amanda and Anna Kendrick (and Demi Moore, for that matter) needed to up the shades of their dresses.
i am so glad others think amanda’s dress was better. a bit old for her, i’d like to see her in something a little less serious. but better nonetheless. i think JLo’s is over designed. if we lost the slit and the severity of the cut of the actual sheath, it wouldn’t take away quite so much from the pouf and the structure of the left hand side of the dress.
it’s a smidge overkill. and did you hear joan rivers said she is the Jackie O of our time? excuse me? methinks not!
Can someone tell me who that is in the first picture, to the left of Marc, wearing the sea-foam green dress?
Why is it that when you guys comment on anything Jennifer Lopez wears, you always have to use bad Spanish somewhere in the text? Is it supposed to be funny? I don’t get it, it just comes out as insulting to our intelligence really, not all of us speak-with-accent, or eat beans for all 3 meals of the day, get over it already. If you want to comment on the dress do that, leave your high school Spanish at home ‘Chica’, it is bad enough you can’t speak your own language right.
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Are these made out of Bubblewrap?
Amanda grudgingly because her dress looks SLIGHTLY less like bubble wrap but only by a hair.
Does anyone else think that J-lo’s dress (especially in the second photo where she’s alone) looks a helluva lot like Armani’s pearly vision of a gigantic vagina!?
Amanda looked gorgeous, young and floaty, but JLo’s butt was way too big in this dress and not in a good way at all. I thought the fabric on both these dresses was dreamy and ethereal.
neither dress is good, but j-lo is WORKING IT like nobody’s business. kate winslet is the vastly superior human, but she could definitely take WORKING IT lessons from miss j.
Holla amigos. [hemhem, excuse me you seem to have brought out my inner latin american, even if I am a half english australian girl]
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the packing material comment. I’ve been trying to tell people that for DAYS, SERIOUSLY, and NO ONE LISTENED. Those silly fashion police people [Jay Manuel, what possible reason is there for having hair that colour? for as long as you have?] nominated J.Lo for best dressed and I nearly died. I am glad that in Fug Nation, people still have neurons that fire when people rock up looking like my latest eBay purchase…I unwrap it.
That’s before I unwrap it. Friday evening induced dyslexia.
I have not had a good laugh all day…but just did! Thank you!!!! You are hilarious! I say both dresses are pretty insipid, actually.
What were they thinking at Casa Armani? Of course it’s a tempest in a teapot when you think of the real sorrows in the world, but in the context of what it is, it’s a major faux pas, and I’d be p-i-i-i-s-s-s-e-d. Damn right I’d make sure some heads would roll for this, if I were JLo. Come on, the same fabric, same collection? Someone did this on purpose.
Oh, the dress, yeah. Fabric is gorgeous, dreamy. I like Amanda’s, I think it’s more in the spirit of the fabric, very light and floaty.
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I love them both from far away. As soon as I got the closer look of the dresses I noticed they were made of something very strange like plastic foil or something. Strange…
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