Oscar Post-Party Fug: Lauren Conrad

I keep imagining how I would address this were I a character on The Hills:

JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

LC: Hey.

JESSICA: Hey.

LC: So….

JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

LC: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

JESSICA: How do you feel about that thing that happened with that person?

LC: [tears begin to fall. Her mascara runs...beautifully] I just want us to be friends!

JESSICA: I know. It’s so hard. What are you going to do?

LC: I don’t know.

JESSICA: Your hair looks depressed.

LC: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

JESSICA: And your skirt is uncharacteristically short. Are you okay?

LC: No! I’m really upset, Jessica! I have relationship problems! Are you NEW?

JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare].

AND SCENE.