Oscars Fug Carpet, and then Oscars Better-Played Party: Diane Kruger

OH DIANE. At least you’ve never boring. And I mean that sincerely. While I am often perplexed and dismayed by Diane Kruger’s wardrobe — as well as often delighted and amazed — I adore her for always keeping things interesting. I think she just wears what she wants, and that is as it should be: I mean, honestly, who REALLY cares if some yahoos on the internet/in the back of Us Weekly/Joan Rivers think[s] your outfit is dumb? And I say that as one of many yahoos. After all, it’s not like you’re going to be forced to wear that one dumb outfit for all eternity, suffering the slings and arrows of said yahoos until yahoos cease to walk this earth.

That being said, I think this outfit is dumb. Now, while my reaction to the back of it last night was, “HOLY GOD, THE BACK OF HER DRESS GOT SUCKED INTO A BANANA CLIP,” I actually sort of don’t mind the back this morning. It’s a LOT of stuff happening, and yes, it bears a resemblance to the back of my own head, circa 1987, on a day in which I wore one of those banana clips that also had ribbons and beads hot-glued to it, but it COULD work. I mean, THEORETICALLY.

But in reality:

Oh, Diane. Your midsection looks like a work-in-progress paper-mâché project — a phrase I can not write without remembering that Seinfeld where George is dating a woman who makes  paper-mâché hats, but she calls them “papier-mâché,” a la the French, and then I remember my French teacher explaining that the literal translation of papier-mâché is “chewed-up paper,” and, well, here we are back at Diane and her chewed-up paper midsection dress. As always, I wonder what Pacey said?

Clearly, he said, “Hey, I’ll meet you at the Vanity Fair party afterwards! Why don’t you change into that red cocktail dress where we can see your bra, but which still manages to be rather cute, and I won’t shave, but still manage to be rather cute myself!” And Diane was all, “Pacey, it’s a deal! See you later! Don’t you dare watch last week’s episode of Mercy without me! I need to see what Dr. Beek does next,” and then they high-fived and she left. I just love the fictional relationship I have created for those two.