17 photos in gallery

I know this is sacrilege, but y’all, I was really super bored by the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. clip from upfronts. The Once Upon A Time spinoff even looked better, and that — while potentially legitimately okay in some aspects — involves a lot of really serious utterances of the word “genie.”

Lotto show Lucky 7 seems blah (didn’t we already do this when it was called Windfall and it starred Luke Perry and Lana Parilla?); Killer Women has a terrible title and may not be lighthearted enough about itself to make up for it; Resurrection seems more like a miniseries but I was surprisingly moved by parts of it; Betrayal looks like it will be incredibly dull when stretched across 13 (much less 22) episodes; Mind Games seems promising but maybe that’s just by comparison; and Mixology… looks like a total shitshow in the vein of the rapidly canceled and widely reviled My Generation from the 2010 season. The tagline is basically One Season, One Bar, One Night, and thirteen to twenty-two hours set inside one bar with those characters sounds so claustrophobic that I almost tunneled out of my house just from the clip alone.

As for the comedies… OH WAIT, Mixology IS supposed to be a comedy, which is the funniest thing about it from what I can tell. Super Fun Night appears only to embody one of those words, and it’s neither of the first two (sorry, Rebel Wilson); Trophy Wife is very whatever, Back In The Game meh, and The Goldbergs just makes me want to go stream some Wonder Years episodes and regret that Dan Lauria wasn’t immortal and ageless because every nostalgic show about childhood should involve him. Jeff Garlin’s unmodulated barking stresses me out in this context.

Potential Fug The Show candidates: Zero, as far as I can see. Sigh.

[Photos: Getty]