Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Well Played, Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron

May 17, 2012 By Jessica AT 2:00 pm

I love the expression on K Stew here:

It’s basically, “I can’t believe I have to stand next to this goddess for WEEKS.” Chin up, sweetie — you look great, too. And now that you’re back to your super short minis, you surely feel more like yourself.

We Need To Talk About SWINTON

May 17, 2012 By Heather AT 1:00 pm

4 photos in gallery

I’m running out of headline options for her: If I were to pull our usual “fug” word switcheroo with her, I think half of Fug Nation would rise up and unseat me, and I am WAY too lazy to go find another chair.

[Photos: WENN]

Fugs and Fehs: Freida Pinto

fug-or-fab

May 17, 2012 By Jessica AT 12:00 pm

3 photos in gallery

It’s a bad sign for Freida Pinto — one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood, I think — that I saw this dress in a thumbnail and thought, “who is that poor fool?”

[Photos: Getty]

Well Played, Eva Longoria

well-played

May 17, 2012 By Jessica AT 11:00 am

I guess The Widow Longoria — who has apparently come out of mourning, at least temporarily — is at Cannes as a “L’Oreal Brand Ambassador,” which must be a terribly taxing gig a la coal mining or defusing roadside bombs discovered next to an orphanage.

She’s certainly dressed for the part. This is major, and I think she’s kind of working it.

Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie, season finale

May 17, 2012 By Jessica AT 10:00 am

17 photos in gallery

So, after a couple of disappointing and underwhelming episodes, Hart of Dixie nailed its season finale. SO MUCH FINALLY HAPPENED. In a nutshell: George told Lemon an hour before the wedding that he couldn’t marry her (after spending all day organizing moving the wedding from the town square inside, due to a crazy storm), and she responded by punching him in the face. Hot Neighbor Wade was extra hot and extremely neighborly, as he and Zoe decided they needed to Do It in order to get along properly (because sexual tension is what was causing all of their interpersonal issues, they claim. Whatever you say, you two). So they do. And as they’re all being post-coitally adorbs, a knock comes at the door of Zoe’s shack. Lo, it is George, who tells her he called off the wedding, kisses her, and skips off into the rain. LOVE TRIANGLE FULLY LOADED.

Also: I think Brick has the hots for one of George’s cousins (age-appropriate cousins, not like some twentysomething hussy), and Annabeth seems to have the hots for Lavon which FINALLY HELLO.

Let’s look at the outfits, and by “outfits,” I mean a lot of wedding dresses and shirtless HNW YOU ARE WELCOME.

Fuglifer Lopez

May 17, 2012 By Heather AT 9:00 am

“HOLA LOVERS.”

“Ayyyy, I am so embarrassed, look at ME, the only person on this poster who looks normal and non-bumpy and exactly like herself! Okay, shh, do not tell, but the real me would not ACTUALLY shop at Macy’s, like that person does — it is ACTING, lovers!! Hee! In real life I do not like to go places that sell things for less than $200 because it is bad for the skin. And the ECONOMY. I AM SAVING THE CAPITALISM. I GIVE, GIVE, GIVE. Anyway, I just wanted to apologize to Sprawly McGee, and Sad Tank Top, and Why Does Cameron Diaz Look Like Blonde Mary Steenburgen, and Crazyface von Chortle, because it is not my FAULT that I look better on the poster. I did not DECIDE that. You should talk to the producers. And Madre Nature. And Marc, who told me that recycling all my blood through him kept it clean and made me young.

“People who should also talk to the producers: Matthew Morrison and The Quaid. Because did you know they were in this movie? No. Did I? No. Do I even know which Quaid it is? No. I have not seen this movie, lovers. I only saw my parts while I was doing them, and even then, shh, I was asleep, do not wake the Lopez. But I think maybe they did not want anyone to know they were in this movie, and oopsie, there they are, on the poster, right over the tagline. Funny story, lovers: They got the idea for it because that is what their lawyers said to my lawyers. Which is also what my lawyers said to Lamefleck that one time except he did it anyway and NOW LOOK AT HIM, you barely have to pay to see him in anything anymore! Tonto!”

Should we talk about What To Expect When You Are Expecting? Eh. Let’s talk about what to expect when you are expecting: You must see your trainer only six times a week for two hours each time — ay, I know, it will be muy terrible– and you should eat only food cooked on stoves that have been blessed by The Pope or Elton Juan. You should also expect to downgrade to five-inch heels. Hmm, que mas… Oh: