Piper Fugabo

I just did a quick search on all our posts about Piper Perabo, and discovered that two of them entreat her to stop looking so crabby, one of them references the fact that she usually looks crabby, and one of them suggests she looks like she’s about to vomit all over herself.

There is a theme there. So whip out your hands and put them together for Piper today, who has proven to be a model of consistency:

It’s possible Piper is the happiest person alive, and is just a way better actress than I thought. But she sure comes off like someone who hates being seen — which I can understand, given the weird satin flap on her shirt and a green skirt that photographs as if it is made of a pleated plastic tarp. But again, it all begs the question: If she’s so displeased, why is she wearing any of it?

Piper, my suggestion is, if you’re happy and you know it, burn that skirt. Or, if you’re happy and you know it, trash that shirt. If you’re happy and you know it and you’d like your face to show it, give your misery-inducing wardrobe to the poor and get a stylist whose last name rhymes with “skirt” and “shirt” so that I can complete this rhyme. Thanks.