Oh, yeah. This is a great plan. Deeply unbuttoned blouse. Dim expression. Hay bales. No-name brew. Jessica Simpson’s gone and turned herself into the poor man’s version of the Coors twins. Until now, I did not even know that was a possibility. By the way, did you know there’s an actual “music” “video” based on the “AND TWINS!” Coors ads? I found it in the course of writing this fug. And if you’ve been looking for something to finally push you to take that last step and throw yourself into the path of a speeding bus, I suggest you watch it. It is not particularly safe for work. Also, it contains the Coors twins RAPPING. Ergo, it’s also not safe for life. And yet I need someone else to watch it so that I am not the only person who’s lived through it. So I can have someone to hold me at night and truly know from whence my night terrors have come. I would even take Jessica Simpson as my comforter, should it come to that. At least then I would be able to tell her SHUT HER MOUTH IN PHOTOS FOR ONCE. GOD.
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