Celebrity Tanorexia Watch: Nancy O’Dell

Aug 25, 2008 By Heather AT 12:45 pm

I don’t swear that much on this Web site, because my mother reads it and I love her, but sometimes a nice, therapeutic four-letter word is the best expression of the depth of my terror — and when a celebrity comes along and vaults right into the top spot on the Terror Watch index to the point where she redefines it, well, that is when clean language deserts me.

And so: HOLY SHIT, Nancy O’Dell.

You are not a baseball mitt. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.

Appendix: TANOREXIA WATCH TERROR CHART

SEVERE:

Nancy O’Dell. MY GOD, WOMAN. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR SENSES? DID YOU FALL INTO A VAT OF BROWN SHOE POLISH? ARE YOU AUDITIONING TO BE THE FOOTBALL AT THIS YEAR’S OPENING NFL GAME? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

HIGH:

Rachel Zoe


ELEVATED:

Jennifer Aniston

GUARDED:

Hollywood Starlet whose agent gave her four gift-certificates to Mystic Tan

LOW:

Sane, sensible, person-colored person
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