Fug.I.A.

Recipe for a Fug:

–  Three ounces of Julia Roberts’ costume from Pretty Woman
– One cup 80s-teen beach fashion (if you can’t find “t-shirts knotted at the waist,” you may substitute half a cup of “t-shirt hem pulled up over and back through the bra” or “t-shirt tucked underneath bra”)
– A sprinkling of Patricia Field, to taste
– Twelve jiggers of rum (divided)

Mix all ingredients until merely adequately blended. Down as many of the 12 jiggers of rum as you need in order to blur your vision. Then don and dash.

Serves: No one.