Private Fugger

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

GIORGIO ARMANI: Tina, Tina, TINA! Your dress! It’s caught…

TINA TURNER: It’s not a dress, baby, it’s…

GIORGIO: No no, Proud Mary, do not finish that sentence. It’s a DRESS and it’s CAUGHT between your legs.

TINA: What? That’s not…

GIORGIO: Caught, and then knotted at the knee like a tourniquet because they’re bleeding. They bleed MAGIC and you’re not ready to reveal your private sorcery. Say that.

TINA: But…

GIORGIO: SAY IT!

TINA: I can’t. You’re crazy.

GIORGIO: Tina, WHY? WHY do you do this to me? I tried to help you. Look at me! I’m pale with shock! I’m practically beige!

TINA: Is this a bad thing?

GIORGIO: You are Tina Turner. You make Oprah weep. You sweat GLORY. You do NOT need a jumpsuit made of harem pants. And you definitely do not need to ADMIT you are in a jumpsuit made of harem pants. We don’t need another hero!

TINA: But I’m simply the best! You love me!

GIORGIO: What’s love got to do with it?

TINA: Aw, G, I don’t really wanna fight.

GIORGIO: Let’s stay together. I can’t stand the rain.

TINA: It’s a dress. Caught between my legs. And then knotted.

GIORGIO: Good girl.