SAG Awards Fug Carpet: Mary-Louise Parker

Congratulations to Mary-Louise Parker for picking the one pair of open-toed partial-platform heels that are as frumpy as if they belonged to a geriatric stripper.

The pleated ballet costume isn’t helping, of course. Its misguided “I’m 12 so I have an excuse for this in ten years when I look at the photos and hate them” youthfulness only further underscores the theory that those shoes were pried off the feet of an 80-year old prostitute named Hazel, whose heart gave out after she heaved the dominatrix whip one too many times, only to have a gross but enterprising Hollywood Boulevard shop owner liberate them and resell them for $50.

Maybe Mary Louise should play Hazel in the movie. America loves 3-hours-in-the-makeup-chair-every-day come Oscar time, so a wrinkled lady of the night who may sag but still shags is a perfect way to stretch her limits.