Because at some point, someone at the Screen Actors Guild said, “God, the Oscars would be so much better if we didn’t have to sit through all those boring writing and editing awards.” And every year thereafter, the writers of the world were unable to resist mocking them for it. Speaking of mocking, please join us as we live-blog all the red carpet shenanigans on E! (Keep hitting refresh for updates.)
3:00 p.m.: You never want to be the first yahoo on the red carpet at any awards show, but especially not a Ryan Seacrest-less one like the SAGS. Who will that yahoo be tonight?!
3:02: Apparently, the first yahoo is Ross.
3:03: Ross has Anna Gunn of Breaking Bad; she looks classy in basic black, which — as far as we can tell — is a huge upgrade from her pink disaster at the Globes. Also in black: Kelly Osborne, who looks lovely in Jenny Packham. She and Giuliana are chatting about whether or not the very ill Jennifer Lawrence is going to make it; G says, “this is so her moment.” Um. I think the SAGs are basically no one’s Moment. I hate to break it to you, Giuliana. I will, however, note that G looks pretty cute in a blue Max Azria that is about 100000% better than the crazballs Moldy Saloon Owner frock she sported at the Globes.
3:09 p.m.: Um, wow. Peter Facinelli just ceremonially “opened” the SAGs with a toast like it’s the christening of a cruise ship and not a 2nd rate awards show. He has, I think, taken SEVERAL toasts of the Taittinger, because he seems kind of buzzed. He also hasn’t shaved.
3:12 p.m.: This is the part of the SAGs where everyone is just talking about the Globes. Why am I so MEAN about the SAGs? I cannot control myself. I don’t even dislike the SAGs! I just can’t stop mocking them. Also: that entire segment of the show just now was Kelly yapping about how side-parted hair was really overdone at the Globes, and then tossing to a side-parted Giuliana. As a traditionally side-parted person, I will never diss the side-part. In other news: they have no one to talk to, and no one is there yet.
3:17 p.m: Busy Philipps and her bump are sporting a ginormo necklace the likes of which we have most recently seen modeled by Countess Luann in her talking heads on RHoNY. She looks pretty, however — and she gives a shoutout to the sandwich as a concept, which obviously we are down with. We will get a sandwich with you any time, Busy Philipps.
3:21 p.m: Eddie Redmayne is wearing brown velvet, and in talking to him about his color blindness (?), Giuliana wonders aloud, “why am I so terrible?” DON’T SAY THOSE THINGS ON TV, G. Snarky people will not be able to hold their collective tongues.
3:22 p.m: Morena Bactine (as I call her to avoid having to look up how to spell Baccarin) looks completely normal….UNTIL THEY PAN DOWN and half of her skirt is sheer. What is her stylist’s major malfunction? She is so gorgeous and she always is wearing something cracktacular.
3:25 p.m: Ross is talking to Katrina Bowden — looking pretty (if slightly vacant, as usual) in mint — because no one else is willing to talk to him right now; Giuliana has NO ONE. Literally, zero people. And they still cut to her. This show runs so much more tightly when Seacrest is in the building.
3:29 p.m: Poor G SWEARS that LOTS of celebs are TOTALLY expected; she throws to Kelly, who announces that she can’t see anything because it’s too bright in there, so she has no idea who is even there, AND something just fell into a water feature next to her, so she is also soaked. Is this SAGs cursed?!
3:31 p.m: I think Kerry Washington just chest-bumped a PR girl. In other news, Alec Baldwin’s hair looks ridiculous, and Ariel Winter’s dress is a peach color that doesn’t seem to be doing her any favors. I am just pretending this incredibly dull conversation that Giuliana is having with Jim Parsons about dub-step isn’t even happening (G calls it, “the dumb-step” and also “dup-step”). Eventually, G pulls Ellie Kemper into to rescue her, and she TOO is wearing mint. Mint might be the color of the night. AND BOREDOM THE EMOTION.
3:36 p.m.: Ross is talking to Phil Dunphy, and compares Phil’s Thom Browne suit to Michelle Obama’s inaugural coat. Sigh. “I know it never gets old, but does it get old at all?” Ross asks, of getting nominated. SIGH. You guys, I can not express to you what an amateur-hour shitshow this red carpet is without Ryan there to drive the ship.
3:42 p.m: What if Ross asks Mark Salling about the sexual assault charges pending against him right now? Like, if he flipped a switch and went — HOLY SHIT. JUST AS I WAS TYPING THAT HE DID. HE DID ASK HIM. (Salling denies that he assaulted anyone and calls it a “fraudulent lawsuit” and then brings up Jesus.) I have literally never said this, but: Way to go, Ross.
3:45 p.m: Kerry Washington is in white Rodarte, and tells G that no one other than other actors understand what actors go through. And here we go. The first of the sure to be many moments where an actor acts like her job is more difficult than, like, neurosurgery or working in a coal mine. In other news: Michelle Dockery is sporting MAJOR sideboob, and Jane Krakowski is wearing an orange sherbert concoction.
3:49 p.m: As pointed out in the comments, you CAN see some of G’s hair extension bonds in close-ups if you know what they look like. Someone pop over there and smooth her hair down! You know she is waiting to get fresh ones put in right before the Oscars, so these are at the end of their lifespan, but you can’t leave a girl hanging like that on TV!
3:55 p.m.: The SAG Award’s codpiece makes me uncomfortable.
3:56 p.m.: Elisabeth Moss is talking to G — finally, a real celebrity! She’s wearing a cocktail-length black Dolce & Gabbana with a sequined skirt, and her short hair looks very cute. Ross has Naya Rivera and her dress is really not made for those boobs.
4:00 p.m: Rainn Wilson just called Golden Globe winner Damian Lewis “that ginger dude.” Dude. Pick up an EW. FINALLY, here is Chastain, wearing a red Alexander McQueen. She is so charming, as usual. Her dress seems a bit too tight, perhaps?
4:04 p.m.: Liev Schrieber didn’t even bother to shave, and he and G are talking about….whether or not G looks like her sister. “You have such minimal makeup,” G says to Naomi. “Should I have more?” she wonders. I decided that Naomi really super hates Giuliana.
4:07 p.m: Wow. G’s convo with Bradley Cooper is incredibly awkward. She is being all awkward and weird — “do you feel sexy right now?” — and can’t really manage to ask him a question, and he clearly seems to think this whole thing is really dumb and it’s just…awkward. Not as awkward as the “Mini Cooper” Ross just made, but still.
4:09 p.m.: G just smelled Neil Patrick Harris and now they’re talking about Lady Gaga and now she is going to make him juggle. “We brought some balls,” she says. What does this have to do with anything? Why is all of this happening to me right now?
4:12 p.m: Ross has Freida Pinto and Dev and Ross has ONCE AGAIN made everything about himself. Across the way, Jennifer Lawrence has finally arrived. Allegedly, she’s got the flu, but she looks perky as usual. Helen Hunt looks smashing in a gold sequined strapless number, and G helpfully doesn’t make her juggle. We also need to talk about how the E! set makes it look like G is broadcasting from the garden center of a Target.
4:17 p.m: Julianne Moore in Chanel couture. It is Chanel couture…and yet the top doesn’t fit or flatter her at all. It’s a total Scroll-Up Fug, because the skirt is really cute. E! DOES show a clip of Julianne on As The World Turns and it is tremendous, because she explains that she was not actually playing twins, but identical half-sisters.
4:20 p.m: Amanda Seyfried always seems stoned at these things, you guys. Am I wrong? (Wow, and I wrote this at 4:20 pm. UNINTENIONAL.) Her navy blue Zac Posen is divine, though. I wish someone would have asked her if her boobs think it’s going to rain.
4:22 p.m: “Were you not feeling well?” G asks Jennifer Lawrence. G, you are the person who was telling us she is sick like an hour ago. Also, someone is full-on screaming in the background. Like, actually murdered-screaming. What is HAPPENING on this broadcast? Also: Jennifer just made her fingers into little Godzillas in the mani-cam, which…was amazing. She is so cute.
4:30 p.m: Tina Fey is in black, with a shiny belt. She looks lovely, but will not win Fug Nation’s best dressed three years a row. She is talking about doing a Mean Girls musical, which I did not know about about OMG THAT IS HAPPENING AND YES.
4:32 p.m.: Julie Bowen yammers on about how exhausted all mothers are. Yes, try doing it without all the help you must have, my darling. They call up Sofia Vergara, and she looks like Sofia Vergara and I would say more about that, but Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner just pecked on another on the cheek and we all have to just deal with that.
4:34 p.m: Marion Cotillard won’t touch Giuliana because she claims she is sick, but maybe she doesn’t want to deal with her. Think about it. Her hair is a cute little bob now, and she’s in — of course — Dior. Ben relieves Marion and says hello to his kids…in the correct camera, which G then tells him is the wrong camera. G not knowing which camera they’re on right now is about par for the course for this evening’s events. “So, George Clooney was a producer on Argo,” G says, BECAUSE G IS OBSESSED WITH CLOONEY, and Ben is all, “he still is, as far as I know.”
4:37 p.m: I can’t believe they made NICOLE FREAKING KIDMAN talk to INTERN ROSS.
4:39 p.m: Ross cuts Kidman off to throw to G to cut to commercial and Kidman calls him on it, which is kind of great. Someone in the background is still screaming like she’s being stabbed with a high heel. It might just be because Timberlake has arrived, seemingly SANS BIEL, despite G’s breathless protestations earlier that they were coming together.
4:42 p.m.: I think Freida Pinto is wearing the dress that Jennifer Lawrence wore this year; J Gar is wearing gold. I am ignoring Chris Tucker teaching Ross to sing. SHUT UP, ROSS. (I could not hold that in any longer.)
4:44 p.m. “A lot of people have been tweeting at our moment at the Globes,” G says to Hugh Jackman. That is not true, but he is as charming and gracious about it as ever, because he is the charming and gracious Hugh Jackman.
4:50 p.m.: Claire Danes can still rock the 90s lippie, in case you were wondering.
4:54 p.m: We wonder if Anne Hathaway is avoiding E! because she knows someone is going to ask her if she’s pregnant. After all, Ross did ask Mark Salling about his sexual battery lawsuit. Because they just ended the show, basically with Kelly FINALLY EXPLAINING TO G that dub-step is a genre of music. You know that was making Kelly tear her hair out wherever she was for the last hour where no one let her talk about anything and she was like locked in a closet somewhere. And that concludes our live-blog of what is possibly the worst red carpet E! has ever produced. Thanks for being here for it!
Comments (138):
At least Giulliana looks much much better than she did at the GGs.
I’m already raging over Giuliana & Kelly’s hairdos!
Giuliana looks great! Maybe she was just setting the bar REALLY low at the Golden Globes.
Why do they keep talking about what happened at the Globes?
Wth is up with Busy’s boobs in that dress? They look so weird and terrible.
Jayma Mays looks beautiful.
Sweet mother of mercy, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ALEC BALDWINS “HAIR”?!?!?
I agree, Jayma Mays looks great! Waistline is a little odd, but LOVE the detailing on the bottom.
You can see Giuliana’s hair extension connections whenever there is a close shot of her head.
Also, she seems to be bringing up drinking habits in the majority of her interviews.
Oh my gosh, AWKWARD question to ask Mark Salling. I had to mute that.
Ack! The bodice on Kerry Washington’s Rodarte is killing me.
Loving the colour of Alfrie Woodwards dress, but…what’s going on with the armpits?? Or is it an illusion?
HOLY MICHELLE DOCKERY’S SIDEBOOB!!! also, I never thought I would miss Ryan Seacrest at these things but it’s a definite shit show without him!
Whoa.
I think E cut away from Michelle because it was so prominent…that is some display, alright — did she know? She must’ve!
Does Michelle Dockery not know or not care that most of her right breast is making a cameo appearance?
Seriously! I’m afraid that if she move too quickly or laughs too deeply we’ll see her nipple!
Lady Mary with the side boobage! [faints]
Did you see Chastain?! She looks like Jessica Rabbit, and I mean that in the best way.
I had the same thought! The camera angle was perhaps accentuating?
I know, they have the same hairdo!
Oh yeah…Totally Jessica Rabbit!
I’m loving Elisabeth Moss’ outfit! Well Played, girl!
Elizabeth Moss: Oooh, pretty!
Naya Rivera is so pretty! That dress (and hair) does nothing for her!!!
There is a lot of exposed boob through netting tonight. Was there a memo passed around?
I love Jessica Chastain’s look! All my fellow gingers are bringing it on the red carpet tonight!!
Somehow I never really realized just how much Ryan Seacrest saved these red carpet shows until watching that ‘interview’ with Bradley Cooper and G. WOW. just WOW.
No kidding! Grabbing at his tie and incapable of speaking.
This red carpet is a disaster! Is it just me or are they not showing Kelly at all?
If I were Kelly, I’d stay as far away as I could from these jokers.
Where is Kelly? Did the water melt her?
Kerry Washington looks like she’s got very fancy toilet paper stuck to her butt.
I covet Helen Hunt’s silver shimmery shiny dress!!!
Helen Hunt looks fab — good for her!
She doesn’t age. And thank goodness for her knowing how to dress herself!
Helen Hunt really does look amazing. She’s my favorite so far.
Me, too! Hot damn she killed it.
HOT DAMN, Julianne Moore!
Is Julianne Moore’s stylist trying to sabotage her?
TNT just copied your Jessica Rabbit comment, Kayle! Do you think they’re reading GFY?!!
Either that or they have eyes! She’s a dead ringer for Jessica Rabbit! I won’t be surprised when that is all over tomorrow.
I would KILL to know what Juliane Moore just whispered to Amanda Seyfried. Disgusted look, than sideways glance at Giulianna.
I saw that, too!!
she was throwing some definite shade!!
Julianne and Amanda worked together on the movie Chloe. I prefer to think they were saying hello to each other quietly as opposed to implying G is that important.
Oh Julianne Moore. That neckline is doing you no favors.
Is Amanda Seifried tipsy?
She’s definitely off… stoned maybe?
she sure seems like it! Or maybe she’s just over the red carpet?
G needs a steak, some fries, and a giant milkshake. She also needs to get off the RC and stop asking stupid things and calling people “Sweetie” “Honey” “Sweetheart” or any other term of endearment. Shut up, foo’.
ACTUAL ‘lol’ – complete with snort….”shut up foo” – ahahaha – and so true. She makes me embarrassed. Like, my flesh crawls from the embarrassment.
Amanda Seyfried is definitely on something.
That’s just the way she is… Kind of awkward and doesn’t know what to do with herself during interviews!
She could be that and also stoned.
Did you catch Alfre Woodard? She looks great in a green dress that is extremely flattering to her figure.
Amanda Seyfried and Jennifer Lawrence are subtle and gorgeous.
I agree. Not over the top but fitted well and not risking exposure.
YES!!!
G seems even more cracked out than usual and I didn’t think that was possible. What is up with her dub step obsession? Poor Darren Criss looked like he was trying to figure out an escape route. She was practically yelling “Dance for me Glee boy!” at him. And her interview with Bradley Cooper was the definition of awkward. When she told him to tell her she was beautiful in French I wanted to hide under a blanket in embarrassment for her.
It was sooooo awkward when she was trying to get Darren to dubstep. Seriously?
I think this is my favorite response to G http://yayponies.tumblr.com/post/40828512105/aziz-ansari-teaches-giuliana-rancic-a-valuable-new
Is Claire Danes lipstick as dark as it looked? Yikes…
Why Amanda Seyfried? Why do you have to look so good? I’m ashamed for watching while looking like hell!
I’m really loving Jennifer Lawrence, the more I see of her in interviews, etc. That Dior is simple and gorgeous, but maybe a little tight across the boobs? Anyway, very classy and lovely. Playing with the ManiCam cracked me up!
I love Jennifer Lawrence like the Fug Girls love Emma Stone. She is a delight, I have a huge girl crush on her.
Ditto. She see,s like a fun, down-to-earth girl who doesn’t take herself too seriously and also happens to be able to act her ass off. Love her.
Er, “seems like.”
I have the biggest girl-crush on her as well! LOVE her!!!
Giuliana is embarrassing to watch — we should do that drinking game where we down a shot of something every time she says “You look amazing!” What happened to Ryan (something I never thought I’d be asking, as he somehow reminds me of a lizard — well, a rich one)?
We should do a drinking game where we take a drink every time Giulianna asks a question that makes a celeb look annoyed/pissed/confused/secretly wondering if she got drunk before the red carpet.
Freida Pinto is wearing a pretty color but she looks really covered up.
Helen Hunt brought it.
Tina Fey’s hair is channeling Lisa Marie Presley from her Michael Jackson wife days – it’s not bad, but it’s a bit…odd.
OMG. you’re right!
Trying to decide what’s going to end up being more painful – this red carpet or having my gallbladder out tomorrow.
The red carpet — way
Red carpet, unless you have access to better sedatives at home than I do.
NO NO NO! G! Stop trying to speak other languages! You can barely handle English!
Man, Anne Hathaway just looked like she was having the most INTENSE conversation with Hugh Jackman.
I love Marion Cotillard’s dress!! I might also want to cut all of my hair off, her’s looks so chic!!!
Oh, DEAR! It’s insanely unfair!
Nicole Kidman looks MUCH better tonight than she did at the Globes.
Actually… I’m wondering how sheer that is going to look in photos.
I love how G and Kelly were complaining about side-parted hair and that’s basically what everyone is wearing!!!
I know! And so isn’t Giulianna, and she’s not pulling it off. It’s driving me crazy that she’s got the part on the opposite side of her shoulder ruffle.
Am I the only one totally seeing a bit of Cate Blanchett in Kiernan Shipka?
Maybe it’s just the memory of her lavender Oscar gown playing up.
I totally saw it too! They need to work together. And that woman from Fringe. Very similar looks. And Tilda Swinton can be the CRAZY relative.
Justin Timberlake looks like he wants to play Intern George in the biopic so badly!
Is January Jones wearing a bib?
woah, January Jones. What are you wearing? What sort of hair is that?
That’s David Bowie’s Vintage hair!
Ross just lost whatever cred he gained with the Mark Saller interview with his Nicole Kidman interview. Just painful.
Meanwhile, Amy Poehler is looking hot!
January Jones looks like she has a flat top. I can’t wait to see her hair a little closer to figure out exactly what is going on.
So….Kelly completely disappeared in this broadcast. Maybe her dress and/or mic really did get ruined with the giant splash of water that apparently happened.
Jane Krakowski shiny & pink. Somewhat unusual.
It’s not pink, it’s Orange Popsicle!
Love that Nicole Kidman called Ross on cutting her off to through to “G”
Eh – throw.
Poor Nicole Kidman… trapped with Ross. She should get an award for her ability to maintain a sense of normalcy.
January Jone’s hair looks like a helmet…and with the amount of gel it probably has in it…it’s probably as hard as one too.
As far as I can tell, Jennifer Garner looks gorgeous. But I have only seen the top of her dress. Hope it’s not a scrolldown fug. She was my favorite at the GGs, so I hope she continues to bring it today.
I saw the whole thing and it IS gorgeous!
Frieda Pinto’s dress reminds me of the one Jennifer Lawrence wore a year or two ago to the SAGs
I do not normally seek out the #1 Pocket Man, Ryan Seacrest, but sweet Jesus, where IS he tonight? Why isn’t he pulling the plug on this and taking over all the interviewing himself? Does Julianne Hough have him tied up somewhere?
G, no.
Are they SERIOUSLY playing a Kardashian commercial over Anne Hathaway right now?!
And she looked so unhappy at that point, like she knew it was happening!
What is Sigourney Weaver wearing? First look was really unflattering.
Did G really just call it the “very fashionable side part” after being told the side part is so “over”? I kind of love that, if so. Very snarky.
Clair Danes….please leave the gothic lipstick at home.
Why is Carmen Electra there? Is she doing something now?
How – HOW – did she get a ticket? I thought we were done with her?
Oh, Lord! Not loving Claire Danes’s Morticia Adams lipstick! After the Golden Globes look, this is not good…
I’m concerned that she’s still using a lipstick she’s got left over from her Angela Chase days…
I love you, Marion Cotillard!!!
I like her too- she could read the phone book and I would be riveted. I wonder what the international actors/actresses think when they have to step in front of G and Ross? And I am DONE with both G and Ross either faking or not being prepared for camera to go live to them.
That lipstick! Is Claire Danes is wearing her Beth makeup from Little Women?
I know E! has to pay the bills, but I still haven’t seen a good shot of Anne Hathaway or half the people mentioned above b/c of the stupid pop-up ads for the Kardashians and Fashion Police. WE ARE ONLY WATCHING FOR THE FASHIONS, PEOPLE!!!
Anne Hathaway has gone Full Cabaret.
So did they just remember Kelly was there?
Ugh. I’m depressed that I was right about the dark lipstick. I don’t dig it.
What in the hell is January Jones wearing? Does she not own a mirror?!
Sigourney Weaver has dressed her boobs up as Morticia Addams’ boudoir throw pillows.
Anne Hathaway appears to be wearing boy shorts under her dress. I know this because her dress is unattractively sheer from the crotch down.
That’s quite enough Anne Hathaway.
What is on Alec Baldwin’s head?
That’s his “boy band” look. Hee. I’m not sure he likes it either. Timberlake was sporting some really good hair.
Alec Baldwin’s hair looks like a bad toupee.
Weren’t Julianne Moore and Amanda Seyfried in a movie together?
What was with not saying hi? And did I catch Amanda giving Julianne an extremely dirty look?
Chloe. And Amanda was good in it. She has some acting ability if she can avoid romantic comedies and Nicholas Sparks films. I wouldn’t mind a Kristen Bell reunion however.
Did Dick Van Dyke just snub Baldwin and walk off the stage without the award?
Fug Girls, I’m really sad that you didn’t go with “sans-a-Biel” insted of “sans Biel”. I have the same emotional response to both J.Biel and sans-a-belt trousers. Kind of like “Do Not Want.” but a little subdued.
There’s gonna be a LOT of unemployed stylists tomorrow!!!!!!
Is it me or are there a lot of wonky boobs out there tonight?
It’s not you, I thought Sofia Vergara’s looked particularly wonky because of the way her dress was cut.
I am having a hard time processing the “I miss Seacrest” comments. His talent at red carpet interviews only cancels out what he unleashed when he decided to serve as an executive producer for those Kardashian shows.
freida pinto hasn’t been in anything in the past year. why is she showing up to everything?