Semi-Unfugging: Fergie

Trust me, this hurts me as much as it hurts you.

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Let’s be clear: I don’t like the dress — mostly, the colors and the bodice. Oh, and the sash. Basically, the whole thing isn’t really my cup of tea. She looks like a limon. Juice her and some Sprite would come out.

But… this is Fergie we’re talking about here. Fergie. The Urinator. The Whizzing Bandit. The Wet Spot. The Leaky Bladder.  The Trouser Golden Shower. The Ninety Year-Old Urethra. We know this woman’s history. We are lucky she didn’t show up in a urine-stained pair of formal shorts with a waistline somewhere near her armpits. We are fortunate she left her knee socks and legwarmers at home. The Sweet Baby Jesus is to be exalted for the fact that she doesn’t look like Pippi Longstocking on a paper route. In fact, we should consider ourselves downright blessed that she appears to have showered and styled her hair.

So in sum: Dress? No thank you. Lack of suspicious stains and the appearance of an effort having been made? We’ll take it, and we’ll give credit where credit is due.

I’m sure it’s only a momentary lapse of all-out fug.