Kelly Clarkson is vexing indeed. She’s an adorable girl with prodigious talent, but of late, some style choices — or those of her people — almost have us pining for the days when American Idol was dressing her like the prom queen.
Take, for instance, this ensemble, which looks like a morbid throwback to Madonna in the 1980s:
She made it through the wilderness of From Justin to Kelly; somehow, she made it through. But I didn’t know how lost she was until I saw tulle. Anyone who can wear a skirt made of neckties — neckties! — and live to tell the tale deserves a little bit more than a black mesh nightmare with a Michael Jackson tribute glove. She looks like she’s going to the funeral of her own fashion sense.
And this is apparently what she wore when she sang at the wake:
I had hoped the many important lessons of the leotard and/or the snap-crotch bodysuit had long been learned. But apparently, the world didn’t listen the first (or the second, or the umpteenth) time a girl refused to leave the bathroom at a party, bceause she was hollering for her friend to come in and help put her shirt back together. And it’s equally evident that nobody did the fugculus of the above outfit; high-cut leotard + low-rise pants = infinite fug.
Kelly, maybe I should use a lingual trifecta of terms you, as an Idol alum, will understand. We’ll go in the usual judging order, shall we?
“Sure, you’re doin’ your thing, dawg, but I’m not feelin’ the shirt, man, I’m just not feelin’ it. And dress is pitchy. Butyou know what, man, you did what you do.”
“I have to agree with Randy. Everything you did is what you do. Words came out when you opened your mouth, and your face is like rainbows that dance on the toenails of God. But your light is so dark, here, that maybe God hasn’t gotten his pedicure, because I can’t see the stars that pour out of your soul because of your performing beauty. I’m so very lonely.”
“Paula is a lunatic. Kelly, you look ridiculous. You can do better.”