Solo Fug

SOLANGE KNOWLES. You have GRAVELY DISAPPOINTED ME.

Sure, you’ve belted what is obviously just a large pajama top and left the house in it. BUT SO WHAT? That’s totally JV Fug Squad behavior and you know it. You’re a star on the varsity team! You’d have been voted Rookie of the Year last year if it hadn’t been for that pesky — and curiously currently MIA — Aubrey O’Day! Honestly, if this thing were two inches longer, you’d look totally normal. WHITHER THE FEATHERS? Where is your face paint? WHY aren’t you wearing leggings with, like, bagels or casserole dishes printed on them? (I’m hungry.) Shouldn’t you be wearing a bolero jacket made of twigs, sewn together with dental floss? As the bumper sticker says, Solange, WHY BE NORMAL?

PS: I just read that you shaved your head yesterday, prior to this function, and that you’re wearing a wig here. DUDE! THAT is what I’m talking about. And while I’m relieved to see that you’re clearly wearing something quasi-nutty in those shots of you sporting the bald look, I have to tell you non-sarcastically: you look awesome bald. Seriously. Way better than Britney. Your head is well-formed. So, my further advice is to ditch the wig and rock your skull. OMG: You could even occasionally allow your face paint to DRIFT ONTO YOUR HEAD. Promise me you’ll think about it. PLEASE SOLANGE.