Stephanie Fugcobsen

Stephanie Jacobsen is on the shockingly watchable new Melrose Place as the Med Student Who Pays The Bills With Prostitution (not a spoiler, since she turned to the oldest profession in the pilot). And she is much prettier than this:

That dress is a very, very sad sack. It could even be an ugly shirt over a mini-skirt. All I know is, she has no business wearing a glorified lobster bib to a party unless her date is a man-sized crustacean.

She also needs to learn a thing or two about short skirts and posing. This is safe for work, so no fear:

Of course, it’s safe for work ONLY by the grace of whatever higher power you believe takes an interest in such things. I felt, looking at these photos, like I do whenever I watch a figure-skating routine after the kid has already fallen: I’m wincing, I’m tense every time the person takes off on another jump, I scrunch up my face in anticipation of CERTAIN DOOM, and I sit there going, “Oh, this probably is NOT going to end well.” What can I say? I have empathy. Also, I’ve seen Ice Castles. When she fell SHE WENT BLIND. Fortunately Stephanie Jacobsen is not at risk of going blind if she bends too far backward and her Melrose pops out, unless of course the aforementioned deity in charge of clothing becomes furious and strikes her retinas with lightning. But STILL. She might want to take care. Especially if she believes in that particular deity.