Fug File: ANTM

My Fug Brady

Oct 20, 2008 By Jessica AT 11:35 am

I occasionally look at Adrienne Curry and think, “I, ret’s SO WEIRD that the first ANTM winner married Peter freaking Brady.” It’s like the D-list version of Joey Potter marrying Tom Cruise.

The rest of the time, of course, I’m looking at her and marveling at how understated she is.

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Fugged Over Lady

Aug 15, 2008 By Jessica AT 12:59 pm

It is no secret that ANTM’s delicious Jade is one of our favorite reality show contestants. Anyone who spontaneously erupted into spoken-word poetry accompanied with snapping fingers as she exited the show is a treasure to be cherished. As is this particular ensemble:

A spangled bra top, perhaps nicked from a belly-dancing costume, worn as casually with jeans as a tank top? I feel a haiku coming on:

Amuse me, Jade Cole
Bra top with jeans? Whatever
You want. Please snap now.

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Well Played, Tyra Banks

Aug 14, 2008 By Heather AT 10:41 am

It shocks me to say this about anyone with crimped hair, but… I think Tyra Banks looks pretty great here, actually:

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

I mean, this is a woman who usually looks like she plucked her gown off a window in Versailles, or as if she is actually an aristocrat Marie Antoinette’s court who is about a week away from a sweaty revolutionary giving her the chop for her excesses. She is also prone to coifs that look like an homage to a fruit bowl. And that’s just scratching the surface. Tyra Banks is nothing if not a comparative science, and I have to say, this simpler dress with all the bracelets is refreshingly chic and sleek after all that hoo-ha. Sure, the material lays a little lumpy in places, but… seriously, whenever I have second thoughts about whether this dress is worth a pat on the back, I click back on that link to what she wore to the Daytime Emmys and it’s an affirmation. Yes, I cherish Tyra for all her overwrought excesses — hers is in my top five of Wig Closets And Wardrobes I Must Visit Before I Die — but sometimes it’s nice to see a reminder that there’s a lovely woman underneath all that hair and slap and pounds of fabric.

poll by twiigs.com

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Fugbrey F’Fug

Jul 28, 2008 By Heather AT 1:15 pm

Seriously, is Aubrey O’Day bored? I thought she was taking a break from Danity Kane to do Hairspray. Are you telling me she has no time to work with the band that made her famous while she’s on Broadway, but she DOES have time to hang out at TRL and chit-chat all the time wearing dresses with built-in capes?

Maybe not the best use of her time. I’m just saying.

This is, however, better than any of the t-shirts, headbands, and briefs Aubrey is selling (because these days pretty much any person with a Mystic Tan account also has a clothing line). We should all say a quick prayer of thanks that Aubrey has decided not to run around town hawking her own wares. But the tragedy of it is that ANTM winners Jaslene and Caridee were dragged into the fracas. It’s like Aubrey’s only editorial directive was that all the girls should hang open their mouths in a semi-drugged stupor:
Read More

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Fug’s Next Top Model

Jul 10, 2008 By Jessica AT 11:43 am

Oh sweet God, Jaslene:

[Photo: Splash News]

My sweet Cha Cha Diva. My most favorite of the ANTM stable of winners. My darling child.  Why would you do this to me? Why why why why why? Why aren’t you wearing a shirt? Just as a toaster is not pants, and a soap dish is not a purse, a blazer is not a shirt. It just isn’t. I need to know why you’re now dressing like Bai Ling. I fugged Bai Ling yesterday. I know Bai Ling. Jaslene, you are no Bai Ling. Please pull it together immediately. Thank you.

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BET Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Toccara

Jun 25, 2008 By Heather AT 12:07 pm

Remember Toccara? The first plus-sized woman who actually mattered on America’s Next Top Model? The one who kept chicken under the bed and then mysteriously lost her personality after a brutal photo shoot where the clothes didn’t quite fit? I loved her. Especially for the chicken thing. If I wasn’t so skeeved out at the idea of not refrigerating my chicken, I can’t promise I wouldn’t want a secret stash under the bed, especially if I were sharing a house with a bunch of hungry bitches who might sleepwalk their way into my corner of the icebox.

Anyway, I’m thrilled Toccara didn’t drop off the face of the planet like so many ANTM alums; instead, she’s working for BET and has done two seasons of Celebrity Fit Club — the latter of which presumably led to her look like this:

She’s teeny now. But my question is, does she look TOO skinny? And does the dress work, or is she squishing herself into it just to make a point? Trust me, I know a girl can’t always control whether her chest downsizes apace with the rest of her, but I’m thinking Toccara probably could’ve started a few sizes larger with the dress and then had the bottom part tailored to her. Nobody would’ve known, and we’d all be sitting here going, “DAMN, she looks hot,” as opposed to, “Damn, that makes my boobs hurt.”

Aw, and yet, I don’t want to take away from all the hard work she put in for that bod. One of the things I really liked about Toccara was how she embraced being
“juicy,” to use Miss J’s favorite word for it, but if she’s genuinely
healthier now, then that’s great. More power to her. Just
don’t COMPLETELY quit the chicken on us, babe, or else there won’t be any of you
left.

poll by twiigs.com

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