I kind of love that InStyle took the girl on fire and effectively put her on ice.
Fug File: Elle
I have to think Lea Michele would’ve wished for something better than this:
It’s her big Life After Cory interview, and she looks, to be blunt, totally freaky. It’s like she’s wearing ten extremely expensive chastity chains– placed right next to a red-tinged cover line about SEXUAL AWAKENING — and then a demi-trench whose belt is flapping around and confusing things. Her hair looks greasy and stiff, like she styled with butter, the eyeliner is as if she’s been on a massive bender and hasn’t removed last Friday’s makeup yet, she looks aggressive and kind of angry rather than sultry and alluring, and worst yet, NONE of this flatters her face at ALL. She is SO MUCH cuter than this. Rather than reassuring me she’s doing well and finally revitalized after that hellacious loss, it makes me nervous that she’s about to go crackballs. NOBODY WANTS CRACKBALLS.
She’s gorgeous, of course, and I probably need that ridiculous sequined jacket, but I feel like her expression is muttering, “do you have any Emergen-C? I am exhausted, and I’m pretty sure I’m catching a head cold.”
For its Women in Hollywood issue, Elle picked a bunch of different cover subjects, with varying degrees of photographic success. I love a multi-cover. Let’s dig in, shall we?
Sometimes I like dramatic magazine covers. Sometimes I like absurd ones. Sometimes, simple and pretty works for me. In the end, I like to be drawn in by something, and like to recognize the cover subject even if she is being presented in a way I don’t usually see. So for me, this cover is a win.
I know Gaga had been showing off more of her face than usual, but she was also often buried behind a lot of her usual Stuff, or asking you to look elsewhere by wearing bras and leotards and whatnot. So I love this picture of her — it feels as close as we’re going to get to her baring her real self. She’s making eye contact in a way that almost defiantly asks you to accept that this is what she looks like underneath it all, and the juxtaposition of that with a cover line that claims she’s hitting new levels of outrageousness makes me curious enough to pick up this issue and read it. My chief complaint is that the cover lines feel suffocating, but a) in a way, that draws my focus even more to her eye, and b) they are promising to help me banish my undereye circles and get better skin, which I want. Just ONCE can the answer be, “Drink more Diet Coke and smear your insides with carbs”?
This is my favorite of all the Kate Upton covers.
You know how much I abhorred her Sports Illustrated pictures, and I actually wasn’t completely in love with her Vogue cover, either. It was MUCH MUCH BETTER — like, a million percent — but I just wasn’t sure her face was carrying that much makeup. So for me, this this is the Kate Upton lightbulb moment. This is the one where I’m looking at it and thinking, “Okay, yes, I get it.” On SI, her body was made so cartoonish in the flossy bathing suit, and in the hoodie, and her face was treated like it was totally beside the point (which on some level it probably is, in that issue, but it shouldn’t be, and that’s dumb). Here, her body is just as hot and curvy, but her face is more than the cherry on the sundae. It IS the sundae.
If I have a beef, it’s that somehow her hand looks enormous and lifeless, pressed against her face; it doesn’t look like we caught her in a moment of alluringly fixing her hair, so much as she slapped her meathook over her ear because she hopes no one will notice that she lost an earring. And I JUST noticed that they didn’t Photoshop out the crease her dress is making around her groin, which feels like a mistake. But her eyes are giving me so much Tyra that it’s hard to care about the rest.